Radiant
by Jinni
Summary: RoseTen. Just when it seemed like they had put the events of PotW behind them, the Doctor begins to notice some changes in Rose.
1. The End of the Beginning

Title: Radiant  
Chapter: The End of the Beginning  
Author: Jinni  
Rated: FR18  
Disclaimer: All things Doctor Who belong to the BBC, et al.  
Distribution: Silent Obsession and any other sites I might post it to.  
Notes: Started as a response to a challenge issued at lj usertimeandchips

Notes2: We'll begin with the obligatory recap of PotW, shall we? This first part contains dialogue from s1e13. AU from after the events of TCI.  
Spoilers: Everything. It's all up for grabs. This includes all recent episodes airing in the UK.

Chapter 1: The End of the Beginning

The universe was spinning.

Beneath her hand and in her head; it spun on and on. Never-ending. She could feel it moving around her, within her. It breathed and lived, just like she did. At once it was both beautiful and frightening. It was…eternal, timeless. The universe and all that it ever did and ever would encompass, was bright and wonderful, even in moments of pain. It was -

It was drifting away?

She struggled to hold onto the memory, the knowledge, the very essence of what it all meant; but with every passing moment it faded more and more, the light leaving until there was nothing but a pinprick of it at the edge of the darkness. She whimpered, though whether it was out loud or in her mind she didn't know.

It was gone. No, not gone, still that pinprick of light sparkling in the darkness, so slight and miniscule compared to the fire that had once burned so brightly within her; but now she didn't even know what that pinprick meant. Didn't know what to make of it.

A rumbling began, familiar, and she couldn't remember now what she'd lost to begin with. Or why she was lying on the floor of the TARDIS, metal grating hard and unyielding under her. She'd be aching for sure if she didn't get up soon.

Rose cracked an eye open as the TARDIS began to power up, making the ever comforting sound of departure.

The next moments were surreal. The TARDIS was humming to life and Rose felt nothing but confusion, just laying there on the floor. The Daleks? Where did they go?

She'd been at home. The Doctor had sent her away. Sent her to live a normal life, thinking she would be happy. Happy knowing he had died? How did that work? He wasn't dead, though; he was standing at the console looking down at the controls.

"What happened?" God, was that her voice, all tremble-y and confused?

"Don't you remember?"

She frowned, trying so very hard to remember what had happened. Nothing made sense. Her head felt impossibly full, she'd have a headache soon, she knew it. Something had happened. She'd come back to save the Doctor – that much she could remember. Least, she could remember opening the TARDIS up, trying to get access to the heart of it so that she could return and get the Doctor. He wasn't going to die. He couldn't be allowed to die. That was all that she could remember. Nothing about what came next.

Except… singing?

"It's like… there was this singing…"

"That's right," he grinned. "I sang a song and the Daleks ran away."

The words made no sense, but that was just the Doctor. Sometimes he didn't make any sense. She ignored it for the moment, trying again to retrace her steps. "I was at home.. no, I wasn't… I was in the TARDIS… and…there was this light…" she trailed off, shaking her head. It just wasn't coming to her. "I can't remember anything else."

_…brightness followed by darkness… followed by waking up on the floor of the TARDIS, no Daleks in sight and her Doctor quite alive…._

She offered him a tremulous smile but he wasn't paying her any mind, just looking down at the console. There were things to do, places to be, she supposed. Didn't really matter what happened, she supposed, so long as they were both living to tell the tale. The Daleks had fled for one reason or another and that was good enough for her if it was good enough for him.

"Rose Tyler," he looked up at her. "I was going to take you to so many places. Barcelona. Not the city Barcelona – the planet Barecelona. You'd love it. Fantastic place. They've got dogs with no noses."

Barcelona…

Was? He –was- going to take her there? Rose's brain screeched to a halt at the use of the past tense. This was it, then? He was getting rid of her? Dropping her off back on Earth and then he'd swan off, never to be heard from again? She felt her heart drop at the possibility, but forced herself to just keep on looking at him, meeting his expression, that goofy grin, as she asked what he was getting on about, playing confused; acting as though she didn't know that he was upset with her for coming back to save him.

He couldn't see that she loved him, she supposed. Else, he did and he just did not share the feeling. Rose swallowed down a painful lump of emotion, trying to digest what the Doctor was saying, even as she giggled at whatever it was that he thought was so funny about the dogs that didn't have noses.

"Imagine how many times a day you end up telling that joke – and it's _still_ funny!"

Odd, she couldn't see the humor in it even now, but she kept grinning anyway. There was a feeling in the back of her head that just wouldn't let go. Something was wrong….off… just plain not right.

"Then why can't we go?" she asked innocently, prepared to throw herself down and apologize if that's what it took to make him not drop her off back home. All she had wanted to do was save him. He couldn't be mad at her for that, could he? For saving his life?

"Maybe you will. And maybe I will. But not like this."

Not ditching her, then. Not swanning off to see the universe and all of time without her. 'Cept, "You're not making any sense."

"I might never make sense again," he said with another insane smile. I might have two heads. Or no head!"

She doesn't join in when he laughs this time, because she doesn't understand what he means. Rose shakes her head, trying to clear the unease from it. Something is wrong, but the Doctor is alive, she is alive, and they are together – isn't that all that matters?

"Imagine me with no head – and don't say that's an improvement."

Even the smile she'd been trying to hold onto faltered at that. It slips and slides over her lips and falls to the floor, forgotten.

"But it's a bit dodgy, this process. You never know what you're going to end up with –"

Pain. It hit him so quickly that she is startled out of her confusion, wincing in shared pain. "Doctor!"

"Stay away!"

"Doctor, tell me what's going on!"

"I absorbed all the energy of the Time Vortex, and no one's meant to do that."

She wanted to ask him why he did it then; to question him about whether or not that's how he got rid of the Daleks. But there's something in his eyes that betrays the fact that he doesn't want her asking.

"Every cell in my body's dying."

Dying. Dead. Gone. Her Doctor. Rose trembled, very afraid.

"Can't you do something?" She was getting hysterical. Could hear it in her voice and knew she was just about as close to having a breakdown as she'd ever had in her entire life.

"Yeah, I'm doing it now! Time Lords have this little trick, it's... sort of a way of cheating death. Except – It means I'm gonna change."

Rose shook her head. She didn't understand. Couldn't understand. What was this and why hadn't he ever mentioned it before? Cheating death? Change? No. This couldn't be happening.

In the back of her mind something whispered that it was real, that it was happening. That it was all very fine and natural… but she ignored that voice.

And I'm not gonna see you again. Not like this. Not with this daft old face.

Rose leaned against the wall, suddenly very weak in the legs. Her head was pounding, threatening to spill open its contents at any moment, she was sure of it. This was what it felt like to die inside. In the back of her mind, something was humming along at the speed of light, urging her to accept, understand; but she couldn't.

"And before I go –"

"Don't say that," she gasped a denial, knowing even as she did so that it would not stop what was happening right before her eyes. Could not deny the process which had begun, a process which he had left her in the dark about. A process that could not be halted once it had begun, she knew somehow.

And she tried to be angry about that, for all of a few seconds, as she regarded the Doctor – her Doctor – looking at her through sparkling, sad eyes. Tried so hard to feel anger and not pain. Not loss unlike anything she had ever known before in her entire life.

Tried to not feel like he was dying right there in front of her, with her helpless to do anything to stop it. No hospitals to take sick Time Lords to. No places that she could get help for him, if there was even help to be had. There wasn't, didn't she know that. No help. Not for him and not for her. It was all ending. All of it.

The wall was the only thing holding her up now, that and the desperate desire not to fall down in front of him. If these really are his last moments with her, he won't see her collapse like some silly… human.

"Rose - Before I go, I just want to tell you… you were fantastic. Absolutely fantastic… and you know what? So was I."

He grinned then, so wide and huge; making her want to cry and laugh at the same time. Yes, yes you were fantastic; she wanted to say the words but they just would not come out. She wanted to tell him just what he means to her. But she just had to accept that he knows, because the words aren't enough and never would have been, even if they had passed by her suddenly traitorous lips. The sound of glass shattering is really only her heart breaking, Rose realized in that last second before the Doctor began to glow. Bright. Brighter than bright. She put her hand up, as though to shield her eyes, yet still she doesn't look away. The light is so achingly familiar, but for the life of her she cannot remember what about it called out to her.

Through the sifting strands of light, Rose saw the Doctor begin to melt, change. His face.

Without thinking, she held her breath, watching the change take place before her eyes. It was amazing, beautiful, a miracle; though she had no idea where those thoughts came from, because really it was only painful and sad. Depressing. Her Doctor, the man she would have gladly laid down her life for… was…

… gone…

The light faded, leaving a new man in the Doctor's place. A man with a new face and new body, wearing the Doctor's old clothes. She wanted to rip the jacket off of him, deny him the right to wear what her Doctor had worn so well. It didn't look good on him.

"Hello! Oh…" the newcomer's voice is even different and Rose bites back a sob. This isn't happening, she insists to herself. It's a trick.

"New teeth. That's weird. So…where was I?" He pauses. "Oh, that's right – Barcelona!"

Rose broke. She collapsed to the floor of the TARDIS, leaning against the wall as she slid heavily down. Tears streamed down her face.

… not death… rebirth…

The words were there, in her head, a sweet reminder that came from the recesses of her subconscious. She didn't care. Not about rebirth or life or death.

All she cared about was the Doctor that she'd loved – the one she'd been pretty sure loved her right back.

The one that was gone.

She closed her eyes and cried, ignoring the words that the new Doctor – the false Doctor – was saying to her.

She cried and imagined that the TARDIS was crying with her, singing a dirge to mourn the passing of the old to the new.

END CHAPTER ONE


	2. Months Out of Time

Chapter Two: Months Out of Time

Rose leaned over the sink, breathing heavily through her mouth, then nose, then mouth again; as she tried to find a way of breathing that didn't set off the nausea that was currently rolling through her stomach like a great, putrid wave. She was determined that she would not throw up today. The Doctor was already giving her odd looks, asking if she was all right; she wasn't going to play up to his fears. Humans got sick, that was just the natural course of things. She'd gotten the flu while visiting that school. Or a cold. Just a stomach thing that would blow over soon enough.

The Doctor did not need to be worrying about her, fussing around like a mother hen. She would be fine.

And that was what she would keep telling him until he either believed her, or the sickness passed and the point was no longer valid.

The feeling passed just as quickly as it had come on her. Rose looked up into the mirror over the sink, wiping at her face. She looked pink and splotchy, like she'd been crying instead of standing over the sink trying to keep her lunch in her stomach. This was just great. They were supposed to be leaving any minute now to go exploring Earth of the 54th century and she could hardly stand up straight.

Maybe it was time to just admit to the Doctor that she was sick and needed to stay in bed for the day. It would mean missing out on their latest field trip, but that was okay by her.

'Course, then she'd have to put up with his mothering. Worse than her own mother, he was.

At least… he was now.

She shut her eyes, banishing the wave of sadness that passed through her. It had taken her all through the Sycorax attempted invasion and then the month they had spent afterwards on Earth to accept that he still the same old Doctor; in a completely new and different way. The dreams had helped, she could admit even if it made her sound a bit loony. They had started right after the Doctor's regeneration, during those few fitful moments that she had been able to grab sleep during the events that followed and then their resting period on Earth. Dreams of someone holding her, caressing her. Dreams where she understood it all so clearly and didn't blame the Doctor for what had happened. She had woken up from each dream feeling more at peace with the new Doctor, more able to accept him for what he was.

A Time Lord. Eternal, or as close to it as anything she had met during these travels. He must have talked to her about his people a lot more since the regeneration – though she couldn't remember when or where he had done so – because she had learned more with him than she had during the entire time she'd spent with the previous incarnation.

She had discovered, too, that she still loved him. Still wanted to be with him to the bitter end; which was what it would be, according to Sarah Jane. A bitter end that was filled with loneliness for both her and the Doctor. He had said he wouldn't leave her. No, not her, were his exact words – but what did that really mean?

"That I'll have t'choose," she whispered to her reflection. He wouldn't make her leave, it would be on her head to make the choice to end their time together, when she felt that it was right for her to move on and get on with her life.

When she felt that it was right to leave him.

Rose shook her head and splashed a bit of water on her face. As if that was ever going to happen. He was a big part of her life, didn't he realize that?

She took a deep breath experimentally, surprised to find that the nausea had vanished completely for the time being. Good. There was a 54th century world out there to explore and she didn't want to miss a second of it.

The Doctor was waiting by the console for her, staring down at it as if he expected some universal truth about the world to be revealed if he just looked hard enough. Maybe it would – who was she to question the mysteries that wormed their way through his head on a daily basis. Least he wasn't caressing the TARDIS or making lovey noises to it. The corner of her mouth twitched upwards, remembering laughing with Sarah Jane about just that. What would the Doctor think if he knew that they had been laughing about that?

"Ready to go?" he looked up at her, his ever present smile appearing.

"Yeah. You got our trouble all planned out?"

His grin got a bit wider at that. "Us get into trouble? Whatever gave you that idea?"

Rose snorted. Whatever, indeed.

For once, there was no hidden motive to their visit. No event to witness or personality to garner a meeting with. The Doctor had just thought she might like to see where their old friend Captain Jack had come from and spend a relaxing day just exploring. He watched Rose closely as they wandered through crowded city streets, ducking in and out of the shops they passed along the way. She had seemed tired lately… and a little off, though he could not quite put his finger on what was wrong. Just a little sick, she had said. Caught something while back on Earth that last time, from the kids in that school. That's what she was claiming and it was certainly plausible. Human children were not known for being the most sanitary of creatures. In fact, 'runny-nosed little carriers of disease' was one rather rude description that ran through his head.

Questioning Rose about her health had led only to a stern glare from her and a snappish comment that she could look after herself and did he mind laying off a bit? It was just a bug, she said.

So he would leave it. For now. But he was watching her, nonetheless; making sure that she wasn't overexerting herself and covering it with grins and interesting facts about the city they were touring. Watching and looking for any sign that she was worse off than she was admitting.

He had promised Jackie he would look after Rose – and that was what he was going to do; whether Rose liked it or not. Just… if he could do it without riling Rose up, the more the better.

"That's where the Rebellion of 5297 started, yeah?"

The Doctor's head snapped to the side so quickly to look at her that he winced in pain. "What was that?"

"Right there, at the base of that statue – that's where it started? The Rebellion?" Rose pointed to a spot a few blocks down the street.

He nodded, swallowing hard. Confusion was washing through him. "It is…yes," not that he had expected her to know that, "You've been reading up on those things?"

She laughed and rolled her eyes. "And when would I have time for reading, with this mad life? You mentioned it to me sometime, I think. Before we left the TARDIS."

But he hadn't – hadn't mentioned a thing about the 54th century and this particular city other than to warn her to not pay no mind if they quite by chance ran into Jack Harkness; to act as if she didn't know him so as not to play merry havoc with the time line and bring the world crashing down around them all.

He had not uttered a single word about the history of the city. Certainly not the bloody story of the Rebellion that had taken place here toward the end of the 53rd century – a rebellion amongst the lower class that had ended in the deaths of thousands before all was said and done. Of all the stories he could have told her about this city and the people that lived in it in the past – such as where and how the Time Agency had been founded - that was not one of the ones he would have chosen. It was a horrible affair that had very little impact in the overall grand scheme of history.

So where had she gotten that piece of information from, then?

"What's wrong?" Rose tugged on his arm.

The Doctor smiled down at her. "Nothing at all. Just thinking about where we can visit next."

"S'more shopping would be just brilliant," she grinned cheekily.

"Huge surprise, there."

He held his peace until she was inside the next shop. Taking a place next to the rack of clothing Rose was looking through, the Doctor shoved his hands into his pockets and gave her an impudent grin. "Since you were paying such great attention to my little history lesson – anything else you remember about this city?"

She cocked an eyebrow at him. "Didn't realize that I was gonna be quizzed, else I'd have taken notes." Turning back to the clothing rack, she shrugged. "Something about a building at the center of town having once been used for some sort of trials."

The Trials of Time. Another incident he was very sure he had never mentioned to her, even off-handedly. Not because it was graphically violent like the Rebellion; just because it was so bloody boring. Not the sort of thing Rose would have been interested in at all.

For the next ten minutes, as she searched through the racks for some bit of fashion that suited her ever fluid tastes, the Doctor pulled fact after fact out of her. Each one more shocking and confusing than the last and none of it making any sense.

"… it's the same spot where the leader of the Cyclins will land in about two hundred years, to initiate the Treaty of New Britain…"

There it was – a fact that she could not possibly have known. The past, yes. The TARDIS would have put books within her reach about the past of wherever they were visiting. But not the future. Never the future. The future was yet to be written, for her.

He studied her carefully as she continued to ramble on, sparing her a smile or two when she would turn his way for thoughts on the items she held up to herself for his opinion; including one shirt that he was sure was no more than a few well-placed bits of cloth that wouldn't cover her nearly well enough for his tastes. If he hadn't been so caught up in his own thoughts and observations, he would have said anything to make her put it back on the rack, even. However, the shirt was the least of his worries.

There was only one explanation for this sudden influx of knowledge, but he could see no sign of it in the way she was acting. Because, if Rose Tyler still had the time vortex whirling away inside of her, she'd be dying. The girl that stood in front of him was fit and in the prime of life, not about to burn from the inside out.

So what was this about, then?

END CH-2


	3. Radiance

A/N: And, yes, this is AU from the point of TCI, since I forgot to mention that. So… Mickey did not come with them.

Chapter Three

The Doctor leaned against the console for support, staring into the swirling middle.

"Why, old girl? Why did you let her do it?" he whispered, not expecting an answer from the ship. He knew why the TARDIS had allowed Rose to take the time vortex into herself, after all – he had always known why. Neither of them had wanted him to die. When Rose gave herself willingly, the TARDIS had simply taken the opportunity that it was given.

To what end, was the only question that was left to be answered.

Rose was asleep. She had stayed awake for no more than an hour after their return to the TARDIS before declaring herself quite knackered and announced that she was going to bed. More likely, she had gone to her room to try on her new clothes in front of the mirror, and only then gotten into bed.

For three hours now he had thought about the day's revelation. Rose seemed healthy enough – perhaps whatever lingered in her from the time vortex wasn't enough to cause her any harm? She'd been healthy for months now, with the exception of this recent bout of stomach flu. Was there really any reason for him to worry?

She was human. That was reason enough for him to worry about her. She was a human woman that had looked into something that was far beyond her power to understand or survive. Even one of his people could not look into the time vortex; as he had proven when he took it from her. He had held the vortex within him for no more than a minute, but that had been long enough to kill every cell in his body.

Rose had held the vortex longer. The Doctor frowned. And how exactly did that work, then? She had held onto the vortex for long enough that she should have burned. Her fragile human body, as much as he hated to even think about it, should have died long before he laid his lips upon hers and tore the vortex from her. Yet, it was his body that had died after having it for much shorter a time.

Perhaps there were some things that even he would never have the answer for.

He sighed, loudly, and pulled out his sonic screwdriver. The TARDIS needed some tinkering with. It was the least he could do while he tried to make sense of a situation that had never made sense to begin with.

Was it night?

Rose wandered tiredly through the halls of the TARDIS, wishing that she could sleep. Her head was so full of thoughts tonight. Incredibly full. She blamed it on the Doctor. He enjoyed making her learn things. Maybe some time he would take her somewhere where there was nothing to learn – like a beach.

She could be happy on a beach. Cocktail in one hand, lying under the hot sun, her skin getting nice and browned. Maybe she would wear a bikini and the Doctor would look at her like a woman should be looked at.

Sadly, she was more likely to get ogled by the Doctor before a beach appeared in her future. One of these days she was going to learn how to pilot the TARDIS herself – then she would get a nice holiday.

In her mind, Rose pictured herself, at the console, grabbing the levers, pulling the at the knobs and pushing at the buttons. It all made sense for an entire second, and then it was gone.

She yawned.

The halls were rearranging themselves, giving her a path that was both steady and long. An easy track to wander without running into the Doctor. She could have kissed the TARDIS for its thoughtfulness. Too many thoughts and none that she wanted to share. Daydreams of wars and times long gone, places she was sure she had never seen before.

"My imagination's gone mad," she whispered to herself with a laugh. She ran a hand along the wall.

Was it night, she wondered again. Time meant nothing on the TARDIS. Day and night. Mornings and evenings. There was no sun to rise or moon to glow in the sky. No way to measure the hours. She slept when she was tired – like right now. Except, she wasn't sleeping.

A door was open to the left. One that she had never seen before. She peered into the opening. Just a spare bedroom. Nothing more.

But this one had a window!

Rose shuffled to the window. It was fake, of course. There was nothing to see outside of the TARDIS right now, as they floated in between time and space. Through this window, however, she could see a beautiful countryside somewhere with a lilac sky and bright green grass. There was a hill in the distance and a golden glow that crowned it – the last rays of a setting sun.

The glow called to her; memories surfacing and fading, like waves lapping at a shore. She blinked, tried to focus, and failed. Something about this place was comforting and that felt good to her right at that moment. It held her in its peace and serenity, sheltering her from her thoughts.

In the end, there was nothing that he could think to tinker on, and the Doctor had found himself once again staring at the console; before deciding that it was best if he just had a quick lie down. Maybe he would wake up with the answers to what was going on. Maybe he would discover this day had only been some kind of twisted dream.

Maybe the universe would collapse on itself and the entire point would become moot.

The short trip to his bedroom had turned into an even shorter one to one of the guest bedrooms, courtesy of the TARDIS. The Doctor found himself in the doorway, watching Rose. She was dressed in her night clothes, hair rumpled and sticking out at odd angles. Obviously she hadn't looked in a mirror before going for a stroll.

She was standing near a false window, gazing out over a darkened landscape that looked, at least to him, like something from the planet Rigexil. It was a breathtaking landscape and he was rather proud of the TARDIS for giving it to Rose to look at; but it was hardly the type of thing to hold someone so entranced they didn't even realized that they'd been joined by another person.

"What are you thinking about?" he asked suddenly.

"Gold," she whispered. "Golden warmth. Holding onto me. Everywhere."

She shook her head suddenly, blinking at him in confusion, and he knew with some kind of certainty that she had not been thinking when she spoke. That the answer she had given to him was from her subconscious. Those were the truest kind of thoughts, however. Thoughts spoken from the deepest corners of the mind.

And it was because of that that the Doctor found himself returning to the thoughts that had plagued him since their return from their last trip. Gold. Like the light that had surrounded her when she came to save him. Gold – like the time vortex.

"Sorry," Rose smiled sheepishly, leaning against the pseudo-window to look at him through sleepy eyes. "Didn't hear you come in."

Hiding his trepidation, the Doctor nodded. "You were lost in thought."

"Nah. Not really," she shook her head. "Was just admiring the view. It looks real, doesn't it?"

That began a fifteen minute conversation on the landscape she had seen and the planet it came from; a conversation that was more in depth than he would have thought it would be, given that they had never visited it even a single time together. It should have been completely unknown to her, outside of this brief viewing. Every time he would try to show off his superior knowledge with a random factoid, she would one up him, seemingly without realizing she was even doing so. Despite the seriousness of the situation, he found that the conversation was charming and far more enjoyable than it should have been; getting to discuss this with her and have her understand on this level.

It was fantastic.

All that is… all that was… all that ever would be – she had it all running through her head, even if she didn't realize it yet, and it hadn't changed a thing about her personality. She was still Rose – the shopgirl he'd fallen for at first look – just with a little extra something.

Throughout their entire discussion, the Doctor watched her for anything that seemed off other than the extremely obvious.

"Get to bed," he ordered her with mock seriousness after she had yawned for the twentieth time. The wall was holding her up and her eyes had drifted shut. "Wouldn't want you stumbling for your life if we run into trouble tomorrow."

She grinned. "Like that time we were hopping for our life? Oi, you were so full of it, trying to make me laugh with that."

He grinned. "Not my fault you don't remember hopping for our lives."

"Mmm – was it on a planet of bunnies? Were they hopping after us?"

"See! You remember!"

Rose opened her eyes and then rolled them all in one smooth motion. She was grinning right back at him, albeit tiredly.

"Sweet dreams, Doctor."

The Doctor nodded, watching her leave before letting the grin fade from his face.

As enjoyable as their talk had been, it wasn't right.

Gold. Warmth. She was remembering her time as Bad Wolf, when she'd had the whole of the time vortex inside of her frail human body. With that power within her, she had seen things that she was not meant to see. The side effect was, as soon as the energy had left her, she'd lost that information, those memories.

Or, so he had thought before today.

Now, it appeared that he had been wrong. The knowledge had not been lost to her. At least, not permanently.

But what would it mean if and when that knowledge became too much for her to bear once again?

The Doctor waited until he was sure that Rose would have to be sleeping and then made his way to the medlab. He grabbed a few diagnostic tools from the cabinets, shoving them into his pockets.

Rose's room was dark and silent except for her soft breathing as the Doctor entered. The TARDIS, responding to his need, raised the lights just enough for him to see, not enough to disturb the sleeping girl on the bed.

She was beautiful, his Rose. Even with her hair tossed about like she'd been blown 'round in a cyclone. The Doctor allowed himself a moment to watch her sleep. So peaceful.

When she shifted in her sleep, the Doctor forced himself to get moving. Standing around wasn't going to get him any answers; and that was just what he needed right now. Answers to what was going on in Rose's body.

And whether or not it was harming her.

The Doctor ran through a quick series of tests, storing the results in the diagnostics tools until he could get back to the medlab. On the surface, nothing appeared to be wrong with her.

However, the Doctor knew better than to trust surface scans with Rose's life.

He fed the information into the TARDIS' medical computer, tapping his finger to his lips as he waited for them to finish decompressing from the diagnostic tools' memories.

"Well, look at that," the Doctor muttered, leaning in to look at the computer screen. The results were, to be quite honest, "Fascinating."

Cellular decay on a minor level, so far as he could tell. That would explain the nausea. It was as though Rose had been exposed to a very slow acting form of radiation. Except, she had not been near anything that was even remotely radioactive. He would never even have considered putting her in that type of situation, knowing what such exposure could do to the human body.

He could give her anti-radiation medication – that was common place at any time after the 22nd century, but was that going to stop whatever this was that was breaking her system down?

The Doctor pulled a chair up to the computer. He would figure this out.

For Rose's sake, he would figure this out.

END CH-3


	4. And When the Bough Begins to Break

Chapter Four: And When the Bough Begins to Break…

_"Do you love him?"_

Rose turned in the direction of the voice. Just a woman, standing there. Hard to see her with so much light at her back, though. Still, she got the feeling that the woman was slender and tall.

"Who?" she asked.

"Do you love him?" the woman asked again.

Rose crossed her arms over her chest. She didn't know what to make of this woman, asking her such a silly question. This was a dream, she'd bet her life on it — but it felt a little off just the same.

"Who?" Rose repeated. "If you're asking about Mickey —"

"Do you love him?"

Rose got the feeling from the tone of the question that the woman wasn't asking about Mickey. She sighed and shrugged. "The Doctor, then? He's the only other 'him' in my life right now."

"Do you love him?" Lighter this time, happier. Sort of like praising her for guessing correctly.

"More than anything," Rose whispered.

And she meant it.

x x x

She woke to a gentle touch on her arm, fingers on her wrist. A caress. It was so peaceful and soft that, for just the briefest of moments, Rose let herself enjoy it. The Doctor was there with her, she knew it without even opening her eyes. He was just checking her pulse.

Checking her pulse?

Rose's eyes shot open and she winced. The room was very bright.

"Hello," the Doctor grinned down at her, letting go of her wrist. She pulled her arm toward her, rubbing at the place he'd just been touching.

"This… isn't my room," she responded, as she slowly realized that the ceiling overhead was the wrong color. Plain white instead of the metallic gold-bronze of her bedroom, same color the TARDIS used everywhere except where she was now — the medlab. 

"No, its not."

Rose waited, but no further explanation seemed to be coming. The Doctor had turned and lost himself in some kind of paperwork.

"Is there a reason I'm in the medlab and not in my bed?"

"Sleepwalking?" he offered without turning around. "Nasty bit of sleepwalking, that. You nearly walked right out of the TARDIS and into sixteenth century China wearing only your nightgown."

"You're kidding." She certainly hoped he was joking. Sixteenth century China wasn't ready for her nightgown.

He grinned at her over his shoulder. Same old grin as always, but his eyes were a little different. Not happy eyes, in her opinion. Not the usual sparkling brown depths that she had come to know and enjoy since he'd come into her life. "Yeah, I am. I wanted to run some tests. You were asleep. I carried you."

He'd carried her and she'd been asleep for it? The injustice of it was almost enough to make Rose forget the rest of what the Doctor had just said.

"Tests? What kind of tests? I told you — it's just the stomach flu. Nothing to worry about. I must've caught it from one of the kids at that school," she sat up, tugging at the various bits of wire that were taped to her skin. A hand covered hers, stilling her motions. She paused and looked up at the Doctor. He looked so serious for just a moment. It made her heart thud a little faster in her chest. "You're startin' to scare me. What's going on?"

The Doctor looked away, putting aside the instrument he held in his hands. He seemed so lost, his movements so very tired. Rose wanted to reach for him, to say something to offer him some sort of comfort, even though she was the one that was slowly becoming terrified.

"Doctor?"

He looked back her way and gave her a tight smile, so unlike his normal toothy grin that Rose nearly broke down right then and there. Something was wrong. She wasn't sure what it was, but it was there just the same. Something was definitely one hundred and ten percent…wrong. Since he was so hesitant to say whatever it was, and he'd just been doing tests, she made the best leap of logic she could.

"Something's wrong with me, isn't there? What's. Going. On?"

"Something I thought we'd put behind us," he said. Quietly.

He also made no sense.

Rose frowned. "I don't understand."

The Doctor shook his head. He reached up and took his glasses off, rubbing at his eyes. "No, you wouldn't. You don't remember anything that happened. I suppose I'm going to have to start there. At the beginning. Well, at the end of our beginning, I guess you could say."

"What?"

"Satellite Five."

Those two words made Rose shiver. There was something to them, past the horrors that she could remember, that had always haunted her. Every time she had tried to think about that period, she'd just felt…something unexplainable. A feeling of being lost. The Doctor was right, though, she couldn't remember the end — when she could only assume that the Doctor had defeated the Daleks. He'd said… that he sang a song and the Daleks ran away, but he'd also said that he took the Time Vortex into himself

And then he'd died.

He'd died to save her.

"You looked into the Time Vortex, Rose. You wanted to come back to save me and you looked into what you thought was the TARDIS — not knowing that it was the Time Vortex itself," he began, slowly; gaining speed as he went. "No one is supposed to do that."

"I remember — you told me… afterwards."

The Doctor nodded. The sadness that had been in his eyes was plainly written over his entire face now. Rose shivered again, unable to get rid of the chill that had wormed its way into her. She pulled the thin medlab blanket up, covering her arms.

"On the bright side — you destroyed the Daleks. Single-handedly. You waved your hand and made them all go away. Good job," the Doctor grinned brightly for the briefest of moments.

"But you wouldn't let go of the power and it was killing you — so I took it from you and put it back where it belonged. Then —"

Rose didn't hear what he said next. She couldn't hear a thing above the sudden pounding in her ears. He had only taken the vortex into himself to save her. She was the reason that the previous Doctor had died.

"I killed you," she whispered thickly, voice breaking. The Doctor stopped speaking and she repeated herself louder, "I killed you!"

The Doctor sighed. "You saved me and then I saved you."

Tears slipped down Rose's cheeks, falling in wet splotches to the blanket she now clutched to her chest. She shook her head. She'd killed him. By trying to save him, she'd killed him.

"If you had not come back — I wouldn't be standing here with you right now," he gave her a small smile. "And the Daleks would have taken over Earth and who knows what else. You saved everyone."

I could save the world, but lose you. Appropriate words — both when the Doctor had first said them to her — and now, with the weight of what she had caused to happen hanging over her head. To think, she'd been so unkind there at the beginning, wanting her previous Doctor back, when he had sacrificed himself to save her!

"I'm sorry."

"For what?" the Doctor looked genuinely confused.

Rose shrugged. How could she explain the grief that she was feeling? She could remember trying to get back to Satellite Five — back to the Doctor — because she was willing to sacrifice herself for him. Because she loved him. And then he had died — because of what she did. She whispered, "For everything. For getting you killed."

"Saving me," he corrected gently.

"Same thing — saving you ended up killing you." There would be no headway for him. Not on this point. She had killed him. End of story. So the rest of the world had been saved; he had still died. She'd watched as he died.

She would never forget watching him…die…change…

The Doctor's lips twitched. "Except — I'm not dead — see, still alive and kicking. Still getting us into trouble day after day. Same old me. Don't you worry about me. Not here and now. Not ever."

It was silly for him to say that, as if she could control who she worried about, or when. But, if she wasn't going to worry about him, then she would have to worry about why she was in the medlab being scanned and tested in the first place. "Then what should I be worried about?"

"Who wins the Sixth World War for Independence?"

"The Jenogi of Trox," she responded automatically, wondering what that had to do with anything.

The Doctor's smiled grimly. "That's what you should be worried about."

"The Sixth World War for Independence? Why? Are we going there, because I must say, Doctor, we could go somewhere less war-ish for once."

"Hey! I thought you liked the wars."

Despite the worry nagging at her heart, Rose laughed at the look of mock disappointment on the Doctor's face. "I do — but beaches are nice, too. And picnics. And shopping without worryin' whether or not I'll be carrying too many bags to properly run for my life."

"See if I take you to watch the rather fantastic Krillonix War of the Jam, then."

"You're putting me on," Rose rolled her eyes. "There's never been and never will be a War of the Jam."

The second the words were out of her mouth, the humor left Rose. That wasn't just a guess on her part. She knew for a fact that there was never going to be a War of the Jam — not on Krillonix or any other planet in any time for that matter. That wasn't right. There was no way she should know that. Not the future, not unless the Doctor had told her about it at some point. He hadn't, though. The more she thought, the more she knew. Things she had no way of knowing. Wars that hadn't had happened, treaties that would happen. She was aware of opening and closing her mouth, but couldn't get a word out. 

"And that is what you should be worrying about, right there," the Doctor frowned. "You've got all of time running through your head, Rose Tyler. Something that should have left you when I took the time vortex out of you." He paused. "Thing is, I'm starting to think I didn't get it out of you. Not entirely, anyway."

"But, you said that no one is supposed to have it in them, right?" Rose whispered. The meaning of his words was filtering through her mind. Connecting the dots of logic one by one. She sucked in a breath, shaking her head to clear it. She looked up at the Doctor. "There's a way to get it out of me, right?"

He didn't even have to open his mouth. The look on the Doctor's face was enough. He didn't smile or grin, didn't look away. He just looked… sad.

"I could try to take it from you again."

"That killed you last time!" Rose argued. "You died — right in front of me! I won't let it happen again."

"Even if it saves you?" he countered evenly.

Rose snorted. "Didn't last time, did it? So, what, you can regenerate. How many times before that trick gets old? Is it a forever kind of thing?"

"No," he snapped, wincing when he realized what he'd done. "Three more times, that's it."

Three more times. Only three — and he was willing to risk one of those precious lives for her? Again?

"No," she shook her head. "I won't have it. If it doesn't work, you've wasted another go 'round."

"Rose —"

"No. 'Sides," she sniffed. "Might not like the next you very much, you know? Don't want to have to get used to a new you."

She didn't add on the rest, the part that she thought —

She didn't want to have to get used to a new him while she was dying.

"So how long have I got?" she asked. "Couple months?"

He sighed. "A few weeks… a month or two?" The Doctor shrugged. "There's no way to know at this point. I'll test you again in a couple days, see how far the cellular decay has spread. We'll know better then."

Nodding, Rose looked around the medlab. So clean. So sterile. Just what a place of medicine should be. It wasn't very Spock, but not much on the TARDIS was. And there was nothing in here that could save her. 

Nothing.

She held back her tears. The Doctor was already having a hard enough time, from what she could see on his face. There was just one thing she needed from him at that moment, and she wasn't sure how he was going to take it.

"Can you take me home to see my mum?" she whispered. She was very proud that her voice didn't shake. She'd pay for it later, in her room and alone. She'd cry and cry and curse whatever had done this to her. Yes, a breakdown was going to be in swift order.

But not right now.

"Of course," the Doctor agreed. Pain flashed through his eyes. "You'll want to be home for when… of course." 

"No," Rose said, eyes going wide. "I just want to visit — one last time. And then you're going to take me to show me all these things that are in my head. The wars and the uprisings and — all of it. And when the time comes — you're gonna tell my mum that it was peaceful, right?" She sucked in a breath. "Right?"

"Rose —"

She shook her head so fast that she was momentarily dizzy. She held up her hand and stopped whatever he was about to say. "No arguments. Please? Unless you don't want…"

His face fell and this time it was his voice that shook. "Don't you think that for a single second. If this is where you want to be — then this is where you'll be until…" He trailed off and then grinned. "Any particular wars you want to see after we get done at your mum's?"

Even if these were her last days, weeks, whatever — Rose knew they'd be full of everything she'd always wanted.

END CHAPTER


	5. Goodbye is the Hardest Word to Say

Chapter Five... notes/disclaimers in first chapter.

The interior of the TARDIS seemed like the friendliest place on Earth, when faced with what lie outside of its doors at that moment. Rose stood, arms crossed over her chest, staring at the doors, but not really looking at them. Her mind was elsewhere, caught up in the nightmare of the last twenty-four hours.

Dying.

Her.

She was dying.

Pain welled up inside of her chest and Rose pushed it down stubbornly. Not right now. Just… not now.

They would be waiting outside the doors of the TARDIS — her mum…Mickey. Maybe one, maybe both. But definitely at least one. Rose knew that just as sure as she knew that the sky was blue and that the sun would rise and set. They would've heard the TARDIS landing and come running, as usual. It really was a noisy time machine when it was coming and going.

Rose just wasn't ready to go out there and face either of them, let alone both.

"You all right?"

"Yeah," Rose nodded, without turning to the Doctor. She felt his hands on her shoulders, his quiet presence behind her.

This was going to be hard. She knew that already. Going in there and acting like everything was normal with her mum and Mickey. Acting as if there was nothing wrong in the world; that she was still off exploring all of time and space with the Doctor and having a grand old time doing it. 

Even at that moment, standing halfway to the doors, Rose wasn't sure how she was going to manage that. It was all fine and good to act like she could pull it off; but there was always the possibility that her mother would see through it. Mothers were good at things like that.

The Doctor, to his credit, didn't offer up any glib assurances that everything would be okay. He also didn't bother saying that she didn't have to do this. They both knew that she did. It wouldn't be right for her to go about her business and never once go back to say goodbye to the people she loved, even if they didn't realize that was what she was doing.

She knew; that was what mattered.

There was a gentle hum in the back of her head; comforting and soothing. The TARDIS, the Doctor had told her when she'd asked if he could hear it, too. Just the TARDIS, trying to lend her support when and where it was needed. Sometimes Rose forgot that the TARDIS was a living creature, like anything else in the universe. She closed her eyes and imagined herself giving the TARDIS a nice, big mental hug.

"They're going to start —" the Doctor paused, the sound of someone knocking on the TARDIS' doors cutting him off. "There they are now. Knocking."

Rose gave him a half-smile over her shoulder. "They're probably wondering what's taking us so long to come out."

"Knowing your mum, she's imagining me doing something wicked with you and planning to slap me."

That made her laugh. All of it. The Doctor would never do anything wicked with her, not in a million years. Not even if she begged him to, she suspected.

And her mum slapping the Doctor was always good for a grin or two.

Rose leaned back without thinking, pressing herself to the Doctor more for reassurance than anything. She waited for a tense moment when she realized the closeness, but he didn't move away. In fact, his hands slid down her shoulders to rub at her arms. Only then did Rose relax against him completely.

She let herself stand like that in silence, enjoying the support that he was giving so willingly. Just when she thought that she was ready to break down, there he was, holding her up. Giving her strength. She appreciated it, even if she knew that eventually she was going to break.

What was she going to say to her mum? Nothing. Not about what was happening to her. She wasn't going to tell her that she could see the future of the Earth if she concentrated on it. That she knew when the next major war was going to start, that she knew when humans would finally succeed in their attempts to navigate space. She knew when time travel would become a part of life; knew when the human race would finally — finally! — get off their collective rears and make that next great leap to spread out amongst the stars, colonize new worlds.

She even knew all about the 'dancing' that the Doctor — the former Doctor — had hinted that humans did when they got out amongst the stars. Wars had been started a few times just because of that — a human being sleeping with the wrong person at the wrong time. Dancing wasn't just dancing to every species. Sometimes it really meant something monumental.

She knew all of that, in the blink of an eye. It gave her a headache if she tried to think about it for too long; tried to force herself to know. Easier when the information just came to her like when the Doctor asked her random questions or when she would just know something that she hadn't known before. That overabundance of information was the only clue she had that something was different about her. She didn't feel any different now than she had hours before when the Doctor'd been running a thousand and one tests on her in the medlab.

That wouldn't last. The Doctor hadn't said as much, but she could read it in his eyes. Besides, the words cellular decay didn't really leave much room for imagination. Her body was breaking apart from the inside. Things would start to fail — it was just a question of what went first and when it would happen at this point. There was no telling when her organs would start failing or which would go first. She didn't need the Doctor to tell her that would kill her long before the cellular decay itself became fatal.

Then again, it really was all the same thing, wasn't it? The cellular decay was causing her organs to slowly breakdown, which would be the thing that ended up killing her. Therefore, no matter how she looked at it, the cellular decay was killing her.

It scared her, yeah. But she wasn't about to let it stop her from seeing and doing all that she could in the meantime.

Why waste one second of the time that she had left?

Pulling away, Rose grabbed one of the Doctor's hands and tilted her head toward the door of the TARDIS. "Shall we?"

The look in his eyes said it was up to her.

It had always been up to her. He was just there for the ride now.

With a grin, she led him out to face her mother.

x x x

"So how've you been?"

Rose could lie through her teeth. The thought was almost enough to make the Doctor quite proud, if it weren't for the fact that it brought up the uncomfortable question of if she had ever lied to him. Or how often, for that matter.

For instance — when he had asked her earlier how she was feeling — had her answer of 'fine' been just an offhand lie, meant to pacify him; just as her lies were now to her mother?

Nagging thought, that. He didn't think Rose would lie to him, not about something that important. Then again, they'd never been in a situation like this before. In all that time that they had been together, this was the first time he had been absolutely certain that Rose Tyler was going to die.

His hearts hurt. She was dying and there wasn't a damned thing in the world — nor in all of space and time — that he could do to save her. All he could do was try to make her happy during the time she had left.

Did she know, then, how different that made her from all the rest? He would let her stay here, with him. He would watch her wither and die, just as he had once told her would happen.

And he wasn't going to try to make her stay here, with her mum. Wasn't going to just swan off and leave her sitting here, safe and sound in her London flat, because it wasn't what she wanted.

It wasn't what he wanted, either.

She'd stay with him, right to the end. He'd do what she asked and make up some story for her mum. Something that made Rose come out a hero, even. That's what she'd been for him, after all. A hero from the first moment he met her.

He reached between them on the sofa, taking her hand and squeezing. Though she didn't look over, he caught the smile that flickered over her lips and the return pulse of her hand to his. He could also feel her shaking. Just little tremors of her arm and hand. Looking closer, he could see strain around her mouth, tears in her eyes. For the briefest of moments he entertained the notion that she was in pain.

Then he realized that, yes, she was in pain. Just not the physical kind. She was saying goodbye to her mum. Mickey would be over soon and she would do the same for him.

Rose was mourning her own death, just as surely as her loved ones would when the time came.

The Doctor leaned back into the sofa, but didn't let go of her hand.

"'E been taking good care of you, then?"

The Doctor jerked out of his thoughts, listening to Rose's answer.

"The best, mum. No one better to take care of me."

Fully expecting Jackie to protest that she could take better care of Rose than he could, the Doctor mentally prepared a calming comment or three to soothe Jackie's temper.

But the moment to use them never came. She turned to him with wise eyes, nodding. Her mouth was tight, but she didn't appear upset with him. Just a mother, worried about the daughter she rarely got to see. He gave her a charming grin, which prompted the same sigh and roll of the eyes that it always did.

His next visit to this flat wouldn't be nearly as uneventful or happy. Jackie would want to kill him and he just might let her when that time came.

This was it. The moment to say the words.

They wouldn't come. Rose swallowed back tears, hoping that her eyes weren't sparkling too bright. Her mother couldn't see them, could she? The tears that were right there, on her eyes, waiting to pour down her cheeks?

If she did, she didn't say a thing.

Rose hugged her mother, breathing in the warm scent of fabric detergent that lingered on her clothes. She took it all in, the way the hug felt; the warmth of it between them. She'd done the same with Mickey before he'd had to go back to work for the day.

She hadn't been able to say goodbye to him, either.

The Doctor saw her face as she turned, saw the tears that were lingering in her eyes. Something flickered through his eyes. He would take this from her if he could. He would make it all better.

The fact that he couldn't didn't change that.

He cared. About her.

Shame they weren't going to get a second chance to make much of that caring.

"I'll bring her back soon, Jackie."

Rose flinched. She was glad that her back was already turned to her mother. It was a lie, but she didn't contradict the Doctor's words. Easier now to let him lie for her than to keep doing it herself.

She just wished that someway, somehow, it could be the truth; just this once. That a miracle could be pulled off.

"Ready to be off?" the Doctor asked, leading the way into the TARDIS.

Rose nodded, letting her tears fall. "More than ready."

END CH5


	6. To Every Season, There's An End

Chapter Six — To Every Season, There's An End

Slight shortness of breath, aches that came and went, and general fatigue didn't keep Rose from going out with the Doctor on each and every stop in the days that came after the visit to her mum's. She trooped along, right beside him, grinning when he would give her questioningly worried looks; knowing that he wanted to ask about how she was feeling but didn't dare — not after that last time she'd told him, quite succinctly and sweetly that if he asked her again he'd be getting his sonic screwdriver up his arse. Sideways.

In those four days, she saw things she would never forget. The way that three suns could rise and four moons could glow over a completely alien landscape — at different times of day, of course — and look perfectly natural and beautiful. She saw the Imperial Revolution of the Twenty-Third Chinese Empire in the year forty-six thousand and three and then the crushing of that same revolution not even a year later by the Emperor. There was the founding of the Order of the Blue Monkey — which she hadn't believed involved a real monkey until the Doctor took her there to see it first hand. A real, blue monkey. She'd taken pictures for the Doctor to give her mum when he made that final visit back to the Powell Estates.

And through it all, she could 'see' the details of everything in her head, as they happened. No matter how much she tried to block it out, it was still there. Information, swarming around like gnats on a hot day. Blocking it out was sometimes more difficult than just going with it; so that was exactly what she had learned to do — just go with the flow of information inside of her.

But it was on Zircon Ten, under a cream-colored sky with fluffy blue clouds, that Rose finally admitted defeat to the breakdown of her body.

It was there, on that crystalline planet with natives that towered over the both of them and had twin rows of razor sharp teeth - that she almost got the Doctor killed.

x x x

She felt like crying.

Arms wrapped around her chest, struggling to catch a breath of air that was enough to ease the burning pain in her lungs, Rose felt like sobbing. Instead, she shook. Shook and hugged herself. Wished that this was another time, an alternate universe where she wasn't dying and the Doctor didn't have to patch himself up because her stupid body had decided that running wasn't the best way to spend its time.

It had all come down to muscle deterioration. That was what he had informed her, with a sad smile. Her legs had simply given out because the muscles were too weak to hold her up any longer after running as they had been. Unfortunately, this collapse had happened with the Zirconians hot on their heels.

And the Doctor had been forced to come back, to fend off the Zirconian in the lead, and pick her up. He had run with her in his arms, all the way back to the TARDIS.

It wasn't until he had lain her down on the bed in the medlab that she had noticed that the front of his suit was slashed and stained with red. Blood. His blood. A Zirconian — the one he had fought off, she supposed — had raked him good, right down his chest. Just a little deeper, and she was sure that he would have been seriously injured, or killed.

"Rose, it wasn't your fault."

Rose didn't bother looking at the Doctor; she couldn't stand to see him over there, delicately sewing stitches into his own flesh. It wouldn't scar, he told her, and the cuts would heal within a few days. Time Lords were just quirky like that. 

Still, she couldn't look at what she had caused.

"It was, though, Doctor. I've been runnin' round like nothing's wrong. But something is wrong," she whispered between breaths. "I pushed on and ignored everything sayin' that I needed to rest. To just…rest. Because I wanted to see it all before…before…" 

Metal clanked against metal, tweezers dropping into a tray, and then he was there, standing in front of her. Hard to ignore the gashes now, right there before her eyes. She reached out before she could stop herself, trailing a finger along the smooth skin just at the outside of the gash. The Doctor sucked in a breath and she yanked back her hand. "Sorry."

"You weren't hurting me."

Rose frowned and looked up into his eyes. There was something there that she didn't understand and she was too weary to try to puzzle through it, either. She shrugged.

The Doctor put a finger under her chin and lifted, forcing her to meet his gaze. "Listen to me carefully, Rose Tyler. This is not your fault. I knew what was happening to you. I knew that this was inevitable just as surely as I knew that the people of Zircon wouldn't take it lightly when you tried to smuggle one of their pebbles home to make a necklace for your mum." He smiled brightly, but even Rose could see that it was forced. "See — its my fault. All mine."

Sniffling, she shook her head and gave him a tight smile of her own. It did no good to argue with the Doctor. 'Specially when he was sure that he was right.

Which was all the time, come to think of it. 

Still, she couldn't resist trying one more time.

"You're all cut up," she sighed. "Because you came back to save me."

"Oh, this?" the Doctor gestured at his slashed chest. "It's nothing. Heal in a couple days. Don't worry about me. You just sit there and rest."

Rest. Now that he mentioned it, resting sounded like a good plan. One of his more brilliant, at that.

Rose nodded and he moved off to finish up the task of patching up his chest. He was chattering on about everything yet nothing at the same time. Some story about another time he'd gotten cut up. Not a companion's fault that time. She was the first to manage that much, she was sure of it. Jeopardy-friendly — hadn't he said that to her once upon a time ago? Least he'd remember her for something.

The TARDIS hum changed in tone, low and mourning. Sad with her. Sad at the situation, Rose couldn't tell which. But the Doctor heard it, too, and turned to look at her. "You all right?"

She gave him a look. "What'd I say about the sonic screwdriver and your more delicate areas, Doctor?"

The Doctor quirked a grin. "I think you've got a single-minded fascination with a certain part of my anatomy." He ran his hand over his hip in a way that reminded Rose so much of Cassandra in the Doctor's body that she laughed. It bubbled up past her lips as a giggle, turning into a full-out laugh before she could stop it. His grin grew and she knew, without asking, that he was remembering that little excursion, too. A little 'foxy', Cassandra had said. Yes, the Doctor certainly was that. Rose was sure that he knew it, too.

Shame she didn't have the energy to enjoy the fact that he was half-naked in front of her, or the fact that she had run a finger along his bare chest only minutes before. Too tired to even care that she should be hot and flushed thinking about him like that, but wasn't.

She yawned and laid down, stretching out on the bed as she watched the Doctor work. Long fingers, sewing the slashes shut. Expertly. He'd done this before. Sewed himself up. She wished she could do it for him, but she'd managed to avoid getting training for that sort of thing.

Her eyes fluttered shut and she yawned again. Just a quick nap, then, while he finished up. Then they'd decide together somewhere nice and quiet that they could visit. Somewhere warm, with no running.

x x x

Dreaming. Drifting. It was all the same. And here she was once again with that woman. The one that glowed like the sun.

The golden figure tilted its head to the side, as if contemplating something. Rose just stared, unsure of what to say or do; unsure if this was even still a dream. Quite odd, that - looking into the face of something that didn't really have a face. Just a general approximation of a head. No lips or eyes, not even a nose.

"Would you do it again?" The figure spoke. No, thought was the right word, Rose supposed.

"Do what?"

"Take all of this," the figure's arms moved to indicate the entire glowing landscape, before coming to rest over her chest, "into yourself."

Time. The time vortex. She understood now.

"Of course. Did it once, didn't I?"

"Why?"

"Because... he couldn't die. Not my Doctor."

"Yet he still left you."

Rose nodded, biting her lower lip and sucking it in as she thought. She sighed after a moment, shrugging. "Couldn't be helped, really. Still - he's the same. Still the Doctor."

"You love him."

A statement, not a question. Yet Rose answered immediately, automatically. "Yes. And if you tell him, I'll kick your glowing arse."

The figure shook, wavered, and Rose got the distinct impression that it was laughing at her. Amused, most definitely. "You would do it all over again? No regrets?"

This one Rose did not need to think about; because she had pondered it on many a night after the Doctor's regeneration. Did she regret anything? Would she do it all over again if times called for it? "Yes, I'd do it again. I've got no regrets. The world needs him. A lot of worlds need him, I s'pose."

Warmth and light and pure golden approval washed over and through Rose.

With a single word she was hurtled awake, her entire body burning from the inside as the vortex's voice echoed in her mind.

"Good."

x x x

Death. Dying. These were things that he had gotten used to in the over nine hundred years that he had lived this life. Humans were most especially fragile. They lasted such a short time before their bodies gave out. Always in the back of his head he had known that one day Rose would leave him; he had just assumed that it would be her choice. That she would choose to go back to a normal life, make a family for herself.

He had planned to mourn her as another companion lost at that time. To imagine that she lived on, happy and loved, but mourn her just the same because he would never again be in her life.

Yet, here she was. Her face was pale, even next to the crisp white sheets of the bed. Too pale. No spots of color on her cheeks. Even her lips were but dim imitations of their normal rosiness.

His hearts skipped along, but painfully. All the tests he had done, data he had poured through in these last days while she slept, was for naught. The only anomaly he had been able to find was a tight bundle of something resembling genetic code, locked onto her DNA. There was no way to remove it, as far as he could tell. For that matter, he had been unable to crack the outer 'wall' of the bundle to even take a look at the code. Whether it was what was causing Rose's deterioration or not — he couldn't say.

Days. That was all he had left with her. Such a short time, even when measured by human standards. Nothing more than a handful of hours and then… then she would be gone from his life for the rest of time. He would not go back and see her in the past. He knew that already. Couldn't risk changing things just because he'd done what shouldn't have been done in the first place and given his heart to her.

Survival instincts warred within him with compassion and caring; telling him to run as far and fast as he could, get away from the emotions that were threatening to break him. Get away from the source of those emotions, because watching her die would tear him apart like nothing other than the loss of his people and planet. If he had only two hearts to break, they would both be truly shattered after this.

And maybe… maybe this time he wouldn't take another companion. Save 'em and leave 'em. No more gathering them up and showing them things. If losing Rose was the cosmos' way of showing him that he was meant to be alone, then so be it. He would be alone.

Days…

He couldn't have been more wrong. 

Three hours into her nap, Rose woke. The Doctor looked up from his notes, worried when she started moaning. Pain.

"Doctor," she muttered, voice cracking and breaking. Tears were on her cheeks. 

He was up and out of his seat in a flash, diagnostic tools in hand.

Her organs were failing. The Doctor swallowed and fiddled with the dials on the tool, unable to look up and at the woman he was losing far, far quicker than he had thought. She was whimpering and waiting for an answer, trying to be brave. Still in pain, but not screaming. It had to hurt. Her body was dying.

"I'll get you something for the pain," he whispered, turning to one of the cabinets.

"What's wrong?" the words were broken, from between clenched teeth. The Doctor stiffened. He looked down again at the results of the body scan and shook his head.

"Just a second, Rose." She wouldn't be in pain. That much he could do for her. It took him a minute to find what he was looking for, but when he did and had injected Rose, the drug took effect immediately. Her face smoothed from its creases of pain, jaw unclenching.

"What's wrong with me?"

This time he couldn't avoid the question. Oh, he could lie. He could smile and tell her that it was just another symptom in her condition — then again, that wasn't really a lie. It would be unfair, though. And he couldn't do that. Not to her. All of time and space at his disposal and he couldn't save someone when it really, really mattered.

"Your organs are failing. Liver. Kidneys. I suspect your lungs will begin to labor soon."

Already were, to some extent, he conceded, watching the rise and fall of her chest, how quickly she was taking each subsequent breath. Straining, just to keep up with her body's needs.

"There are machines I can put you on, to help for a little while," he offered.

But he knew, even as he said the words, that his Rose wouldn't want that.

"No, Doctor. No extensions. Not when the end will still be the same," she said quietly. "Just — don't let it hurt, all right?"

Acceptance. She accepted so easily that she was dying. The tears no longer streamed along her cheeks and now… now she just looked peaceful. He wanted to attribute it to the drug he'd give her, but it did nothing more than relieve physical pain. He reached out, hand shaking just a bit, and brushed the hair from her forehead. She accepted this, yet he could not. Could not reconcile himself to the idea that Rose — his Rose — was dying.

"You'll go back and tell my mum?"

The Doctor nodded.

"Promise? I know you're 'fraid of her."

He cracked a smile. "I'll go Rose. Don't worry about that."

And there were things that he wanted to say, too. Things that he needed to tell her, needed her to know before —

But he how could he bring himself to begin? Starting that conversation was too close to admitting that this was it.

How had it come to this so quickly? There was supposed to have been more time. Time to think about everything that he should have told her sooner. Days left still to compose his thoughts, get it perfect. Didn't want her to … leave… without knowing what she had meant to him.

Like so many events in life, this was happening without warning.

The Doctor took hold of her hand, thumb tracing over the back. She was so very pale. Her fingers squeezed around his and he grinned. "I love you, Rose Tyler."

Like that, the words were said.

"I know," she returned his smile. "Love you, too, my Doctor."

Love, mutually shared and given; yet never acted upon. And all of those things that he had wanted to say to her just didn't seem important anymore. His eyes were wet, looking down at her frail body, growing frailer by the moment. The steady readout of the diagnostic telling him that soon she would fade away from him completely. Coma first, then death. Yes, that was how it would be. And all he could do was hold her hand and make sure she didn't feel the pain of her death.

"We never did go to Barcelona," she joked.

He laughed, caught off guard. "Oh," he drawled, "you wouldn't have liked it anyway. Dogs with no noses get boring after awhile. And you know how they say people look like their pets. Can you imagine a person without a nose?" he rambled and she listened, smiling even when her eyes shut. She laughed every now and then, rasping a bit when breathing began to get harder. Still he held her hand, still he talked about things she would never get to see for herself.

Still he died a little with every second that he watched her fade from this world. Her stats dropped lower and lower. The only blessing was that she wasn't feeling that decay.

The Doctor was still watching when her lips smoothed out into a straight line, his voice trailing off to nothing. He looked at the diagnostic; the readout of her brain waves. Comatose.

And as he leaned to kiss her forehead, Rose Tyler breathed her last breath.

END CHAPTER


	7. Interlude

Interlude: New Chapter, Same Book

A tear splattered next to his lips, sliding over the still-warm skin of Rose's forehead until it drifted wet across the spot where he still kissed. The Doctor sighed, raggedly, and it ruffled some of the fine blonde hairs that had fallen over her forehead. He was crying. Shaking. And he knew that there were things to do. Going back to tell Jackie, for one. Finding a quiet place to bury Rose, for another. Somewhere beautiful that would remain undisturbed for at least a century or three. Somewhere that he could remember her, place flowers next to, and just…visit. It was selfish of him, doing that instead of delivering her body to her mother for interment on Earth where her mother could mourn her, too.

But selfish was what he felt like being right at that moment. Very, very selfish. Rose had meant something to him. More than she should have, perhaps; but that knowledge did little to diminish how much he had cared for her. He wanted her set away from the world she had grown up in and grown away from.

He drew back from her forehead to look down into her face. Eyes closed, she could have been peacefully sleeping. But the diagnostic show no signs. Not a flutter of brain activity or beat of the heart. She was gone.

There was blood on her clothes from where she'd pressed against him as he carried her. Dirt on her pants from falling down. A bit of a scrape to her hands, smudged with the same dirt. He'd get all of that cleaned up before he did anything else. She wouldn't be buried looking like she'd just finished running for her life.

"Beautiful, for a human," he whispered hoarsely. 

Beautiful…and glowing?

That…wasn't right.

The Doctor looked down at the swirl of golden light under the skin of Rose's forehead. He reached up, rubbing at eyes that he knew were tired. But the glow didn't disappear. He lifted her hand, watching the play of light. He knew this. Knew what this meant, because he had seen it happen to himself.

But it was impossible.

He stubbornly pushed aside the blastedly annoying bit of hope that reared its ugly head. This was just a side effect of her time spent with the vortex. The last of the energy leaving her body. Nothing more, nothing less. Anything else was impossible. Time Lords regenerated, not humans. Rose was definitely not a Time Lord. Her body was one hundred percent…human…

The Doctor's eyes went wide. He nearly tripped over his own feet as he backed away from the bed, fumbling behind him for the test results he'd gotten along the way. He looked at the results, then up at Rose, back to the results then back at Rose again. There! There it was. That little genetic anomaly that he had not been able to explain or even crack. 

Was it possible, then?

The glowing swirls had grown to great golden pools beneath her skin, until he was no longer sure where one bit of energy ended and the next began. It was beautiful. She looked like an angel, just as she had one day not so long before, when she had saved his life. Except now the glow wasn't around her, it was in her. And it looked like redemption and a second chance all rolled into one as it grew and expanded.

Climax came suddenly, a flare of light so brilliant that he took another step back involuntarily. He could just barely see through it. Could see… changes!

Yes — changes! Longer hair. Oh — darker hair! 

The Doctor grinned, bouncing back and forth from toe to heel. Sneaky, sneaky. Was it wrong for him to be so insanely happy that she wasn't dead, even though it meant that she wasn't human anymore? If it was, he would add that to the pile of guilt he felt for other things in his life and learn to live with it. She hadn't deserved to die and it looked like she wasn't going to!

Rose was going to be okay! He wasn't going to be forced to tell her mum that he'd gotten her…

Oh. The Doctor's grin slipped a bit. Jackie was going to kill him for this! Forget slapping, she was going to move right on to maiming and torture. Then the killing. Perhaps hiding was in order.

As quickly as it had come, the glow vanished; leaving the Doctor looking at a new, but definitely breathing, Rose Tyler. A sleeping Rose Tyler. Okay. Sleeping was good. Sleeping let him look her over without her asking questions he couldn't really answer — and a few he could but didn't want to, not yet. He just wanted to look and feel obscenely happy and a little giddy. He'd had no idea that interacting with the Time Vortex could do something like this! True, it was because people generally didn't interact with the vortex, but that was beside the point. It had saved her. In the end, when it mattered, it had saved her!

He stepped up to the bed, looking down at her with quiet amazement. The same, but new. Weird, looking at her and knowing that she'd changed. Was this how his companions felt when he did this to them? Wondrous and apprehensive? No, this wasn't how they felt. Usually they were frightened or worried — not him. He was excited! This was great!

It was her hair that he noticed first. Her auburn locks, laced with bits of gold and copper. She didn't get to be ginger, either. Fair's fair, he supposed. Her facial structure was still pretty much the same. Still the Rose he had come to be familiar with.

Taller, though. Closer to his height, he'd imagine. No more looking down just to see into her eyes! There was a bit of skin showing down between her sock and the hem of her pants. A trace of stomach around her middle where her shirt wasn't long enough to cover anymore. Was the skin there a little darker, too? Yes, her coloring was a nice peach now instead of that pale ivory. Lovely. Like she'd gotten a bit of sun on the beach. Just a touch. Interesting that her face hadn't really changed, but that was more than fine by him.

He felt like a man inspecting a new toy, he realized quite suddenly. Then he was back to grinning, grabbing for diagnostic tools. Rose was alive! And there would be problems and trouble because of it. Gloriously awful trouble, he was positive!

But she was alive!

Two hearts! Two! Even with the diagnostic telling him in no uncertain terms that Rose now possessed two of those beating organs, the Doctor couldn't resist laying a hand on her chest, fingers played out, to feel them both beating. Steady. Strong. Not a thing wrong with her. She was just as healthy as — no, healthier than — she had been before this all began. No more getting all achy from a bit of running. Not with this new body. They could run from their lives all day and night, if that's what they decided to do!

He lifted one of her hands, examining it. Longer fingers. Nice fingers. Not that the previous Rose — who he now would have to refer to as version one, he supposed — hadn't had nice hands. These were just... a bit nicer. Yes, he liked these hands. He hoped that she liked these hands.

Oh. He hoped that she still liked him. Admitting you loved someone was all fine and good, unless they woke up and no longer loved you.

Of course she would still like him, he argued with himself even as he thought that. The overall self didn't change. He'd still liked her, after all. There, that was settled. Rose would still like him. He wouldn't have it any other way.

He laughed out loud at his own silliness, squeezing her hand.

"You're alive, Rose Tyler. Alive!"

She didn't move. Didn't stir. That was to be expected, as much as anything in this truly odd circumstance could be expected. She had died, after all. And then that little bundle of genetics had unraveled itself and remade her! That was his theory for the moment. Plenty of time to poke and prod at her later to see if that odd little quirk was still lurking along her DNA chain, but he would bet that it wasn't. It's purpose had been served.

The Doctor pulled up a chair and leaned against the bed, resting his chin on his hands. Let her rest. That's what he'd do. He'd sit here and just… let her rest.

"But hurry up and open those eyes before I get tired of waiting," he whispered with a grin. "I've got a whole new you to get to know."

END INTERLUDE


	8. Rise and Shine?

Chapter Seven — Rise and…Shine?

Something was definitely not right.

Rose struggled up through layers of sleep, wading her way through the murk of her thoughts. Something…yes, something was very much not right at all. For one thing, she was breathing quite well and didn't feel drugged or in pain. That was at complete odds with how she had been before. Dying. That's what she'd been doing. Dying and drugged and still in a bit of pain despite it all.

…at complete odds…

The unfamiliar thought pattern gave her pause. Was that right? She couldn't really remember ever saying something like that before. It was just a little… off.

Well, that hardly mattered in light of the fact that she appeared to be — at least from her present point of view — completely healed. The Doctor must have worked out a miracle, after all.

Speaking of which, was that him holding her hand? Rose opened her eyes. Ceiling of the medlab — check. Good to know that something was still the same, she supposed.

"Doctor?"

Okay. Her hearing was off. Because that voice didn't really sound like hers. At all. Odd. Everything sounded so crystal clear… just her voice, so different. Low. A little husky. Not her ears, then, right? Something was wrong with her voice?

The Doctor looked up from the file in his lap, grinning at her so hugely that she couldn't help but return it with one of her own her. "Hello, there. Have a good nap?"

He was smiling, which meant that she was all right. All right — but not all right. Because something was definitely… off.

For instance — the rapid staccato of her heart.

No. Not heart.

Rose's hand flew to her chest. She pressed down, eyes widening. A look flitted across the Doctor's face in the split second that she realized the impossible.

Hearts. Plural. More than one. Two.

"Rose — try to stay calm." 

"Calm?" Rose asked in that voice that was not her own. Two hearts. Two beating hearts. That wasn't normal. It wasn't human. A sizzle of fear made one of the hearts jump a beat."What happened? What's happened to me?"

And there it was. With more than a single word out of her mouth at a time, she could hear that more than just her voice had changed. Her accent had, too. 

"Remember that little trick Time Lords have for cheating death? Well — looks like you inherited it. Congratulations! You get to live, Rose!"

Rose knew two things at that moment.

One — he'd thought long and hard about how exactly he was going to break this news to her. She could tell that by the nervous play of his hands — through his hair, to his ear, then to the device he still held — and by the overly bright grin he was giving her. Too big. Too forced. He wanted her to be happy about this.

The second thing, the one that worried her the most — was that he was talking about regeneration. Specifically, her regeneration. A regeneration that was completely, one hundred percent, impossible.

"That just isn't possible." But even as she said the words, Rose knew that the Doctor was right. That voice was not her own. Not the one that she'd known for all her life. Even the way she was thinking, the thought patters and speech patterns, were different! She felt a mild tremor of fear run over her body. 

The Doctor merely tilted his head to the side, studying her with eyes that sparkled with blatant curiosity. "Just as living through the Time Vortex inside of you should have been impossible. But here we are — and you've definitely regenerated. Watched it all with my own two eyes. You died…and then came back. Right as rain, good as new." He grinned again.

He was excited. So very, very excited. She couldn't help but return the smile, even through her fear. Her head was spinning and it was more than just all that knowledge that was still bubbling in her thoughts. But the Doctor was right about something important, she realized after a long moment's thought — she was alive. And that counted for something. "I'm going to be poked and prodded a bit until you either figure this out or give up, aren't I?"

"Oh…well — if you don't mind and all," he agreed with a nod and a shrug of his shoulders.

She laughed. It was full throated, definitely falling into the husky range that she'd once envied about other women. The women that knew how to make a man quiver with just a few words or a meaningful look.

"How do you feel?"

"Great," she admitted with a shrug. "Other than the obvious emotional distress of finding out I'm not human anymore."

"You're very calm about that."

Rose nodded, thinking about it. In the past, something of this magnitude would have put her into a nervous fit, at the very least. "I suppose so. No sense getting worried over something I can't change, is there? I mean — I'd be dead if this hadn't happened. Keep thinking I should be a little more…worked up, though."

The Doctor was all grins. "New personality trait."

Right. She knew that. Had watched him go through it, trying to figure out who he was. From the moment he had stepped out of the doors of the TARDIS, ready to save them all from the Syccorax, he'd been full of questions about himself. Starting with whether or not —

Rose reached up to her head, grabbing hold of a few strands to pull them around. Dark.

"Not ginger," the Doctor said. She could hear the laughter in his voice.

"Am I —" she paused, hesitant. Did she want to know the answer? "Am I still…you know… decently pretty?"

"You look just about the same, Rose. Different hair. Oh, different eyes. Bright blue, sparkling eyes. Little taller. More wispy. But still noticeably you."

She breathed a sigh of relief that she hadn't realized she'd even been holding, sending out a mental thank you to whatever energy controlled regenerations that she'd been saved a complete work over this time around. And even as that thought went through her head, she knew that this was only the first of a line of regenerations for her. It was frightening.

And a little exciting, she decided; nodding to herself.

Then — "You didn't answer the question, Doctor. Or did you?" She frowned and looked up at him through lowered lashes. Apparently she was flirty now. "I asked if I was still pretty… you didn't say yes. Just said I looked almost the same as before. So was I pretty before?"

The grin faded from his face, quick as lightning. Rose wondered if she'd made a mistake, pressing the issue.

"Don't you remember what I told you, before —" he trailed off, mouth working but no sound coming out. "Oh... you know — before you died?"

Rose tilted her head to the side. It was painful to try to remember that. She'd been so scared and trying so very hard not to let the Doctor realize it. Trying to be brave. "I remember you holding my hand and saying … " What had he said? "… that…"

"That I love you," he finished for her, quietly. "That didn't change. Isn't going to."

Rose licked her lips. She could remember it now. Remembered him saying the words that she had longed to hear for so long, right then as she'd been at death's door. Could remember that she'd said them back to him, happy that, in the end, he had admitted what they'd had. Given voice to it.

"I remember," she nodded.

He held her eyes for the longest of moments, fiddling nervously with the tool in his hands. Then he gave a little nod and turned around, shoulders slumping almost imperceptibly. But Rose noticed. She always did. She knew the Doctor's little quirks better than she knew her own.

Much better than she knew her own, given that she couldn't say for sure what quirks, if any, she had currently.

Now —that- was an odd thing. Not knowing anything about yourself.

Well, not true. There was something she did know. She was still Rose Tyler, companion to the Doctor.

And she still loved him.

"I mean it when I said it, too," she said into the silence. What had gotten him in such a down mood all of a sudden?

He turned, and the sparkle was back in his eyes. Still some uncertainty, though. "And now?"

"Now?" Rose repeated with a lift of her eyebrows. "Oh, come off it. Are you seriously asking if I still love you even…you know… because I'm different now?" She snorted in disbelief. "After all those talks you gave me about you still being the same person, deep down. And now you're asking me a question you should already know the answer to?"

"Well, you never know, really. I mean —"

Rose slid down off the table, looking down at herself. Oh, yes, she was taller. Taller, and in need of new clothes. Almost the Doctor's height, but not quite. That first step she took toward him was a bit unsteady, like walking on platform shoes you weren't quite used to, but before she knew it she was right in front of him.

"I may not know much right now, Doctor — and we'll talk later on how weird it is not knowing whether or not I still like the same music or food or…everything — but I do know that I still love you. I don't think that is going to change ever."

One of them moved as those final words left her lips. Him. Her. Rose wasn't really sure. His lips were just there, with hers. Pressing together. Gently. So gently. Her first kiss in this new body.

And this body, Rose found as she pressed against the Doctor, definitely enjoyed that sort of thing.

She pulled back, a bit breathless, looking into his eyes for confirmation that this was all right — that they could do this now, even if they had never done it before.

The Doctor smiled, just the corner of his mouth going up. He reached up, fingers running through those auburn colored strands of hair that she still had a hard time believing were hers. His palm came to rest on her cheek.

"You and I," he said softly. "Are going to have so much fun together."

There it was, Rose thought to herself, as she met him for a second kiss — yet another thing she was sure about.

Some things would never change.

END CHAPTER


	9. Getting it Together

CHAPTER EIGHT

Rose looked over her shoulder, at the empty doorway of the wardrobe room. No Doctor. Of course, she hadn't really expected him to follow her. Not when he said so calmly that a few moments to herself couldn't hurt. To let things sink in.

Problem was, she didn't think that things would ever actually sink in. Not really. Years from now, she would look back and wonder how she had taken it all in stride.

Maybe, she thought, rifling through her memories for everything that had happened and how she felt about it.

Finally, she shrugged. Maybe not, too.

She had Regenerated. Capital 'R', that one. R-E-G-E-… oh, whatever. Sounded like the start of a song, not some weird biological process that she had undergone.

She was now a Time Lord… or was that Time Lady? Were there separate titles for men and women? She'd have to ask, she supposed. All that knowledge in her head, and nothing about the Doctor or his people. Nothing about his planet and what had happened — a story that she had never managed to get him to part with. All she knew was that they were gone. Gone from space and time. Maybe that was why she didn't know anything about them; they'd disappeared before she got the knowledge. It made sense. Sort of.

Then again, hadn't the Doctor once also said the same of the Daleks? That they were gone from time and space? She knew how accurate that had been. Rose's eyebrow rose, the idea playing out in her head, providing possibilities that she couldn't put voice to.

There were too many thoughts in her head and it was far too confusing right now. And, fluttering about in the back of her mind like a half-formed thought that she couldn't get rid of, she knew that these ideas and thoughts were different than the ones she would have had before. More… mature. Yes, that was the word. She'd grown up somewhere between one body and the next.

No more was she Rose the nineteen year old shopgirl.

No more was she the Rose that had fought off Slitheen with the future Prime Minister.

Or told the Sycorax off, using pretty turns of word that she'd picked up along the way from the Doctor.

Except, she was still that person. Just not that naïve.

Not by a long shot.

She reached out and laid a hand on the wall to steady her suddenly whirling mind, unable to bring herself to deal with the clothing situation just yet. The TARDIS hummed comfortingly in the back of her mind. Just a presence, a warm whisper that she'd always had to some extent before, but that was so much stronger now. The TARDIS was happy about this, but understood her mixed feelings on the matter. The TARDIS was so much more alive than she had ever imagined.

Mixed feelings. She laughed softly. That was putting it lightly, Rose thought. She pushed off of the wall and started to wander through the wardrobe. There was a rack of clothing nearest the door that immediately caught her eye. Things like she'd found before in here, to wear when they were just out and about with no real cause for dressing any particular way. Jackets and jeans. T-shirts and the like. She pulled one out and held it up to eye level, frowning. She'd worn this not too long ago and remembered liking the way it fit, the way the color made her look.

Not now. Now it looked too…too…

Unable to find the right word, Rose shrugged and put it back on the rack.

"It's not me. Not any more," she whispered to herself, voice still sounding odd. It was like someone was there, speaking for her. Like a foreign film, dubbed over into English. Not her voice. Not her body. Not her feelings or but sort of her thoughts.

So - still her overall? Was that how it went?

Very confusing. Rose shook her head. She hadn't understood regeneration when the Doctor had done it and it made no more sense to her being on this side of things, to be perfectly honest. How was it that she didn't know what she wanted to wear? 

She paused next to what looked to be sensible skirt and pants suits. Her nose wrinkled. No, this wasn't it, either; though she suspected the TARDIS put them out front for her to see just in case she'd taken a liking to the same style the Doctor currently had. None of it felt 'right', though. Not the skirts, not the trousers, nor the blouses that hung side by side with them.

Rose giggled under her breath, still surprised when it didn't sound like her own normal laugh. This was silly, wasn't it? Standing around, trying to figure out not only what she wanted to wear, but what style she wanted to wear.

Very silly.

She slowly began the winding walk through the wardrobe, pausing every so often to investigate one bit of clothing or another. Nothing was calling out to her. Not a thing so far.

"Perhaps I'm meant to be a nudist," she said out loud with a laugh.

"I wouldn't object."

Rose jumped, dropping the shirt she'd just pulled from the rack nearest her. She turned, arching a brow at the Doctor. "Don't do that."

"Do what?" Picture of innocence. He was good at that. Seemed to be a recurring thread between his incarnations. The ability to look innocent without being innocent in the least.

"Sneak up on me."

The corner of his mouth rose. "I could be wrong — though, mind you, it's doubtful given how brilliant I am — but you should be able to tell when I'm nearby. Unless, for some reason, you didn't get that bit of genetic quirkery."

Rose frowned, confused. "What are you talking about?"

He tapped at the side of his head with one finger. "Slightly telepathic, remember? Might not be able to read my mind, but you should know I'm there, at least. Well, when you learn how, since apparently it's not as instinctual as I'd thought it was."

"Tele..pathic," Rose repeated slowly. "This is weird, you know that, right? Very, very weird." Easy to think of the Doctor — an alien — being telepathic. Harder to think of herself, just plain old Rose Tyler being —

She stopped short, thoughts just hanging there, and was forced to confront once again the fact that she wasn't plain old Rose Tyler. Not anymore. Rose Tyler, yes — but plain or old, not so much. Not even human. Not anymore.

Never would be again.

Rose turned from the Doctor, unable to stand the blatantly curious look in his eyes right at that moment. She shrugged. "I'm sure I'll get used to it."

"You will," he agreed from behind her. Closer now. She'd bet he was standing within arms distance, even though she hadn't heard him move. "You always were one of the most amazing people I'd ever met and that hasn't changed. You'll be all right."

Nodding, Rose flashed him a smile over her shoulder. Yes, he was directly behind her. And he was right, too, she would be okay. No sense worrying about it. That was her, the new no-worrying Rose Tyler.

She turned back toward him with a smile on her lips.

"Now — as for you choosing to be nude in this incarnation —" the Doctor waggled his eyebrows. "I won't complain. We'll have to adjust our adventures for places where clothing is optional, of course. Exstacia Eleven is good for that. Entire cities without a scrap of clothing. Beautiful weather."

"I'm not a nudist," she cut him off with a laugh, running a hand through her hair. It slid through her fingers, so much silkier than it had been before. And brown. Dark brown. Long, dark brown hair. She liked it.

"You sure? Could be interesting."

Rose laughed and shook her head. "I'm sure there's something here for me to wear. I just have to find it."

"Well — how about this?"

Her breath caught when the Doctor showed her what he'd pulled from the nearest rack. A black leather jacket. Not like a biker would wear. This was a smart looking leather blazer. Perfectly tailored to her body, she would bet. The TARDIS was just smart like that. It was nice. Really nice. It called out to something in her, resonating as 'right' and she could picture herself in it. Picture the way it would show off this body, her new coloring. 

But it reminded her of something that the previous Doctor would have worn. Leather. And a pair of dark slacks, a jumper just a little bit lighter.

As she thought about it, the outfit came together in her head, until she was picturing it on herself; in this body.

And she liked it.

She reached for the jacket with a question in her eyes, but the Doctor just gave it to her with a grin. His eyes were sparkling with genuine excitement and amusement.

"Go on, try it on," he urged.

Rose nodded, smiling. Why did this call out to her like nothing else had? Was it because of the previous Doctor and how close she had been with him? She held the Doctor's gaze, "You going to just watch me? Or will you turn around like a proper gentleman?"

x x x

There was a split second where he debated not turning around. Where he wanted to just grin cheekily and stay right where he was, arms crossed, watching to see if she actually had the courage to do what she was teasing him with. Strip down to her knickers and change clothes.

Just a split second, nothing more. But it was long enough for his Rose to take up the banner of his almost-challenge. She smirked, raising her eyebrows. So beautiful. Always so beautiful. 

He followed her with his eyes as she took a step back, searching the racks of clothing. She pulled two articles from amongst the assortment, never breaking his gaze. "Last change to turn around."

Her fingers toyed with the bottom edge of her shirt, playing with the tanned skin just beneath. The Doctor swallowed, unable to keep his eyes from straying to where those fingers played.

Then they were moving, grasping at the bottom of the shirt and lifting up. Quickly. Suddenly. Though, true, she had warned him.

The Doctor turned abruptly, taking deep breaths. They sounded too much like panting to his ears. Rose's husky laughter taunted and teased at him from behind.

He tried not to think of her changing clothes as the whispery sound of rustling cloth filled the air; the sound of a zipper sliding down. Tried so hard not to think about Rose's skin, bared to the air. All he had to do was turn around and he could see her in all of her new found glory.

Just… turn.

But he didn't. He wouldn't force that on her right now, with everything else she was going through. Wouldn't take things that far even if it was what she thought she wanted with this new flirty personality and luscious…oh so luscious, from the bits he'd seen… body.

"Can we get chips after this?" she asked from behind him.

"Of course," he responded, automatically. "You think you still like them, then?"

The sound of clothing moving about stopped. Rose made a small, disturbed noise. "I… hope so. I have to, right?"

The Doctor snorted. "Doesn't work that way. Just because you liked them before, doesn't mean you like them now."

He heard the moment when she started dressing again, punctuated by a sigh.

"They sound good, in my head," she offered after a long moment.

"Well, that's a good sign, I suppose," the Doctor said. He was glad he had his back to her, so that she couldn't see the smile on his face.

Fascinating, watching her go through this.

He hoped she still liked chips, too, though. Be a pity if she didn't. They'd have to find some new hobby other than seeking out — and then eating — the best chips 'round the universe, throughout time and space.

Some more shuffling and then, "All right. Turn around."

The breath caught in his throat when he laid eyes on her for the first time. He'd been right, then. She'd imprinted, somehow, someway, on his previous self. Despite the fact that he should have been jealous; he really couldn't be. That was him, after all.

And like so very, very long ago, all he could mange was one word.

"Beautiful."

She smiled slowly, lips spreading out into a grin. He longed to see her tongue poke out from between her teeth, like it had before. But it didn't. Probably wouldn't ever again; at least, not like it once had; before, when she'd been Version One. It would never be an unconscious habit that she did so very often.

He'd miss it, he realized. Miss those little quirks.

"You think?" She held up a lock of hair, letting it drop back to her shoulder. "It's so… straight."

The Doctor rolled his eyes. "One of these days, I am going to describe for you — in detail — exactly what I looked like through all of my regenerations."

Perhaps he would gloss over the older models. Wouldn't want her worrying that his next self might be a candidate for the seniors' home.

"That bad?" she asked, starting toward him. Every step she took, in her bare feet, across the wardrobe floor seemed to have a little something extra behind it. Whatever else she was, Rose was completely comfortable with this new body now. Sashaying about in it like some sort of interstellar model.

"Oh…awful. Completely awful," he nodded, watching those hips move ever closer with each and every step. Wait — "What was the question?"

Rose laughed. She paused in front of him, looking at him with bright blue eyes that sparkled with all the wonder he'd seen before from her. There was something else there, too, now. A timeless wisdom that he would have done just about anything to save her from.

Except let her die.

Anything but that.

He reached out and took her hand, running his thumb over the back of it. With a wink, he put it to his lips, leaving a soft kiss on her knuckles, before flipping it over to do the same to her palm.

Then he dropped it, grinning despite what he knew had to come next. "Chips - and then we go visit your mum? And we try to keep her from killing me outright, yeah?"

END CHAPTER


	10. The More Things Change

x x x Chapter Nine: The More Things Change… x x x

Turned out that she did still enjoy chips — though now more so now with an extra sprinkle of salt, a little bit of pepper and, oh, spicy mustard.

Lots of spicy mustard.

"That there is wrong, Rose. Just… wrong," the Doctor shook his head as she finished up the last of the chips. She paused, fork halfway to her mouth, and grinned at him.

Then she shoved the mustard-dipped chip into her mouth, chewing thoughtfully. True, this wasn't something she would have eaten before. But it wasn't half-bad. In fact, she quite liked it. Judging by the look on the Doctor's face, she suspected he most likely wouldn't be offering up stops for chips as often anymore.

Shame.

She put the fork down and sighed. That was that, then. Even eating the chips as slowly as possible, delighting in the way that the flavors excited this new tongue, she hadn't been able to delay the inevitable by more than an hour's span. "Do we have to…?"

"Visit your mum?" the Doctor's asked, eyebrows rising. "Do you think putting it off will make it any easier?"

Rose frowned and leaned back in her chair. She crossed her arms over her chest and tilted back so that she was looking at the ceiling. Her hair dangled down and she imagined that it might sweep the floor with its ends if she just leaned a little farther. And what was that spot on the ceiling? Unappetizing, definitely. She was glad she hadn't seen it before she started eating. She sighed, "Is it wrong if I don't care?"

"Rose —"

"I don't want to," she moaned. "She's going to get all angry or frightened and it'll just be bad — you know that."

Laughter. He was laughing at her. Rose slowly sat back up, until she was looking into the Doctor's laughing eyes. "What?"

"Nothing." Everything about the way he was looking at her said that it was anything but 'nothing.'

"What?" she demanded.

"Just the changes in your personality," he grinned.

Rose pouted and the Doctor's grin grew.

"See — right there. You're pouty — whiny even." The grin never left his face. Rose felt distinctly teased.

"Am not!" Rose argued, realizing even as she said it that maybe, just maybe, he was right. Replaying her conversation with him in her head, she could see where she might've come off sounding like a petulant child. "Am I?"

"Don't worry — it's a cute whiny," he assured her, pushing back from the table with a wink. He stood up and Rose felt her heart drop. She opened her mouth to beg — no, plead — that they just put this off; only to snap it shut again when she realized what she was about to do.

The Doctor was right. She was a bit whiny.

She couldn't reign in her sigh, though, as she stood up and threw away the remains of her snack. Taking one last draw of her drink, she tossed the cup. There was one tactic she hadn't tried yet. When she turned back toward the Doctor, she had a new plan in mind.

"You sure you want to do this right…now?" she murmured, closing the distance between them until her body was practically pressed against his. His eyes widened, dilating a tad as he looked down into her face. There was open lust and curiosity there — two things that she knew very well what to do with. "I still have so many questions about this body, after all. I think — and I'd love for you to help me figure this out — that I might be more…sensitive in this skin."

Her hand went to his tie, tugging on it playfully. 

"Rose. We really…"

She licked her lips, slowly. Starting with the bottom and working her way around to the top. He watched her tongue and Rose felt a surge of power work its way through her. She smiled up at him, watching the emotions play across his face. Still her Doctor, just as she was still his Rose. She was just a flirtier — somewhat whinier — Rose.

And he was a much more…hands on Doctor than he'd been when they first met. Also a more tongues-on Doctor, if that was even a phrase that she could use. Still, it fit. He did so enjoy licking things. It was that fixation that she could readily admit she had some curiosity about.

"Rose," the Doctor said quietly. His palm came up to her cheek, cupping her face. She had the impression of falling into his eyes as he leaned forward, brushing his lips over hers. Then, "We need to go visit your mum."

x x x

He had adored Rose version one, but there was no doubt in his mind that Rose version two might be his favorite.

Well, out of the two he'd seen so far, the Doctor mused. And he'd rather not see versions three through whatever for a long while, if he had any say in the matter. Losing her once was hard enough.

She was glaring — quite petulantly — at the doors of the TARDIS; as though doing so would keep them shut. It was all the Doctor could do not to start laughing again. This version of Rose alternated between being a sexy siren and a sulky child so quickly that it made his head spin.

It was definitely a good thing, therefore, that she was equally adorable either way.

In fact — and he was certain that this might make him a little mad — he thought that maybe, just maybe, she was even more adorable as a sulky pseudo-brat.

"She's going to slap you and I'm not going to stop her, either," Rose offered, turning to glare at him over her shoulder. Apparently if she was going to suffer, then so was he. Well, he could nip that quick enough.

"Then maybe I'll stay down here."

"What?" she turned so quickly that her hair fanned out for the briefest of moments, caught in the breeze of her motion. "Oh, no — you have to come. I'm not even going to try to explain this without you being there. What if she doesn't believe it's me?"

"You don't look that different, you know. I'm sure you'd be able to convince her after a fashion," he said as he leaned back on the console. Actually, that sounded like a good idea. "Yes, that's perfect, come to think of it. You go on up there and tell her what happened and I'll stay down here, where it's safe."

Safe in the Tardis; working on the old girl while Rose dealt with her psycho mum. Perfect didn't even begin to describe this new plan.

"I'll let her in."

The Doctor frowned. That threat had merit.

Now that was something he hadn't thought about. How long would it take him to change the locks on the TARDIS, anyway? One glance at Rose's face said clearly that she hadn't thought of that, but also that him thwarting her any further would only serve to cause him pain in the near future. Considering he was hoping — very much so — to get to do that exploring of Rose's new body that she'd tried tempting him with, the Doctor decided it was best to concede.

"Fine."

Oh, for want of a piece of nice, sonic duct tape to go over her mother's mouth, though. He sighed. Well, if he was going to be forced along anyway, he supposed he might as well do this the easy way. Well, the easiest way for Rose, anyhow.

"Give me ten minutes with her and then come up."

Rose turned to look at him, confusion marring her face. "What?"

"I want to explain it to her before she sees you," he offered.

"Brilliant. Best. Plan. Ever," Rose nodded. "You explain it, get her calmed down, and then I'll come up and show her… me."

"If she kills me… be kind to my next regeneration, all right?"

Rose didn't look amused by that. Well, good, then. He wasn't completely joking. 

The walk up to Jackie's flat seemed more like a stroll to the gallows. He certainly felt as though it would end in death or pain — or both. Most likely just pain. But let it never be said that he was a masochist. He didn't enjoy pain in the least, especially when it was being administered by one angry mother.

He knocked on the door, waited a moment, then knocked again.

"Well, no one's home. Try again later," he declared with a grin, shoving his hands in his pockets and preparing to walk — no, run — back to the Tardis. He was being hypocritical, he knew. Wasn't it he who had insisted that Rose need to tell her mum here and now?

He made it no more than three steps from the door before he heard it open behind him. Shoulders slumping, the Doctor turned.

"You!" Jackie greeted. "Where's my Rose?"

"Down in the Tardis," he said, evenly. "Needed to talk to you a bit, first."

Jackie's eyes narrowed. "She all right?"

"Never better." At least that much he could say with all honesty. Rose was better now than she'd ever been. No more silly human frailties or constraints. She'd outlive everyone she had ever known if she played her regenerations right; which might not be too consoling, and he vowed not to mention that to Jackie or Rose unless forced under the pain of torture.

"Then why's she not up here with you, then?"

The Doctor sighed. "Can we talk inside?"

Distrusting look firmly in place, she moved aside to let him enter the flat. It looked the same as it always did. Cramped, but cozy. A hodgepodge of color and style that was at once both comforting and irritating on the eyes.

He noticed that Jackie didn't offer him tea; just sat herself on the couch and stared at him, hands clasped in front of her, elbows on her knees. 

The Doctor sighed and chose 'standing' as the option that made him feel most secure. He looked down at Jackie. "You remember when I changed?"

"When you went and changed your face, you mean?" she asked. "Yeah, of course I do. Same time those aliens came here, trying to make people jump off roofs."

The two events were completely unconnected, but the Doctor didn't see any benefit to pointing out her inaccuracy when he was already about to tell her something that was going to upset her.

"Yes," he nodded. "And — that was a good thing, right? Because it means I didn't die. And it means I won't die next time or the time after or the time after or —"

"I get it, already," Jackie snapped. She rolled her eyes. "What's that got to do with anything?"

"Rose —"

"Rose what? What've you done to her?" Jackie stood so quickly that the Doctor rocked back a step before he could stop himself.

"Long story short," the Doctor cut her off before she could get going. "She's like me now. Rose is. She can change to keep from dying."

Jackie stopped in mid-step. A step he was sure she'd been taking to cause him bodily harm, for that matter.

"She's like you? My Rose?"

The Doctor nodded. "When she…" he stopped, fumbling for the words. Jackie didn't know what had happened on Station Five. He settled for the condensed version, "When she came back for me, right before I changed, she did something she shouldn't have done, Jackie. And it changed her. Slowly — so slowly that we didn't even know it was happening and even when we figured it out, there was no way to stop it. But she's healthy. Completely, one hundred percent happy and healthy and you don't need to worry about her because she'll always be your Rose."

Silence reigned as his speech came to a close. Jackie didn't speak and he didn't prompt her to. It didn't take a genius to know what was going through her mind. She was working through everything he'd just said. Working through what this meant. He wanted to help her, answer any questions she had, but he was slightly afraid that speaking would turn her attention back to him and away from her internal musings.

And that could lead to a slap or three, which he definitely did not want.

They stood there like that — her staring into space and him just watching her stare into space — for what seemed like forever.

But, really, it couldn't have been more than a handful of minutes, because the sound of Rose unlocking the front door ended it all.

"That's her," he murmured to Jackie, catching her eye. All the years he had spent with humans, and he couldn't gauge how this was going to go. She could freak out or be angry or —

"Rose!" Jackie gasped. "My poor Rose!"

In a blur of blue tracksuit, Jackie was past him and latching onto Rose. He turned, his speculative look fading to a smile. Rose grinned at him over her mother's shoulder, leaning into the hug.

He fell into a chair with a sigh.

Well, that went better than he'd thought.

END CHAPTER


	11. Sunshine Fades Away

Chapter Ten: Sunshine Fades Away

Rose pushed her mug of tea to the side discreetly, listening as her mum rattled on about this and that, things that had been going on around the neighborhood. Bad enough she'd screwed up her face in disgust the moment she tasted what had once been her favorite brand of biscuit, but now she didn't like her tea made the way she'd liked it for the nineteen years she'd lived with her mum? That wouldn't go over well at all. No sense trying to assure her mum that she was still the same person if she was going to constantly be doing things that proved she wasn't.

The Doctor had abandoned her to her mother-daughter reunion when it was clear that her mum wasn't going to be weird about the situation, saying that he needed to check on the Tardis. Like hell he did. The Tardis was just fine. Didn't need any tinkering or upgrading or anything. The Doctor just didn't want to be hanging out with her mum right now.

She couldn't say that she blamed him. Not really. Her mum seemed to be accepting it as well as she could — except for these odd looks she kept tossing at Rose every now and then — but Rose wasn't taking it so well herself, in the end. Being here, in this flat, made her realize just how much she had changed. Everything about the place — the things that had once made her feel comfortable and 'at home' — now seemed tacky and contrived. She hated that she felt that way, like she was better than this. Because she wasn't. She was still Rose Tyler.

Wasn't she?

"You all right?"

Rose nodded slightly in response to her mother's question, trying to offer up a reassuring smile to say that she was fine, even if it was a complete lie. Her mother frowned, mouth opening to force the issue —

A knock on the door was all it took to save her.

"Oh, that'll be Mickey," her mum said, eyes flitting in the general direction of the hallway as she stood up.

"Mickey?" Rose tried not to sound horrified at the prospect. Really, she did.

"Didn't I tell you? Called him while you were washin' up."

She didn't get it. Didn't get the reason that she wouldn't want to see Mickey just yet. It was one thing for her mum to take what had happened in stride, another thing for her to just cast a blind eye to it and go on like nothing had happened. Mickey didn't know about this. She was going to have to explain it to him and… well, she just couldn't see that going well at all.

For one moment, the idea of a temper tantrum sounded very, very good. Then it passed and Rose exhaled a nervous breath. The front door was being opened and, God, she could hear his voice. Same old Mickey, loud as usual.

His eyes met hers almost immediately as he stepped into the living room from the hall. He blinked, frowning. She knew she didn't look that different and here was the test of it. Would he recognize her at all?

"Rose?" he asked, stepping forward. "What happened to you?"

She laughed softly, anxiety making her stomach churn nauseatingly.

"Picked up that whole Regeneration trick when I was with the Doctor, I guess," she said with another tiny laugh, like it was nothing but one big joke.

Finally, after silence that lasted a good minute or two, Mickey spoke again, "You what?"

"Regenerated," she repeated. "I…sort of died. And then changed and now I'm good as new, see?"

She took a step forward, only to be brought up short when Mickey in turn took a step back. Hurt wove its way through her, gripping her heart in a vice-like hold. Of course it'd be like this. Wasn't like Mickey had ever really liked the Doctor. She could remember the way he'd been when the Doctor'd first asked her along. A 'thing', he'd said.

That's what she was to him now.

"So — what? You're an alien now?"

Rose looked away, unable to bear the accusation and thinly veiled disgust in his eyes. She nodded once, not trusting herself to speak.

"I can't believe this," Mickey exclaimed. "First, you run off with him. Now you go changing who you are and being like him? You're not even human anymore," he said in a way that made it sound like not being human might just be a fate worse than death. "What's next, you tell us you ain't never comin' home again? That you can't bear the sight of all us poor little humans?"

The words hit Rose like a slap to the cheek. In one moment she felt her sadness turn to anger and she looked back at the man she'd once been silly enough to think that she loved. "Hadn't planned on it until right this second, no."

"Rose! No!" her mother cried out, anguished. Rose wanted to comfort her, console her, but she couldn't look away from Mickey. It was like a train wreck, these emotions inside of her. The train was going to crash and there was nothing that could be done to stop it. She was going to say things that were hurtful, she knew it. Things that could never be taken back but that sounded so right in her head.

"That what you want, Mickey?" she said, feeling her lips curl up into what she knew had to be a sneer. Not something she'd done before as her old self, and she could see that Mickey was taken aback by the surprise that colored his face for just a moment. "You want me to leave this flat and never come back? Never see me again? Oh, right — maybe I should have just died and then we wouldn't be having this bloody asinine conversation. But then you'd have the memories, right? Of little human me. Poor little Rose — died trying to save the man she really loved. Died because she did what no one was supposed to do. But that would be better, right? A dead human Rose rather than a living different Rose. That's what you'd want?"

She was shaking by the time the words stopped spilling from her mouth. In her head, she could hear them repeating over and over again; harsh accusations that felt oh so true. A bit mean, this incarnation, with a touch of cruelty. Whiny, sexy, and cruel. She'd certainly struck the quirky trait jackpot.

Mickey was looking at her now like he didn't know her and, for the first time since he'd walked through the door, she could sympathize — because she barely knew herself. Difference was, she wanted to know herself and Mickey didn't care to even try, apparently.

And it hurt. God, it hurt.

"I'll come back to visit soon, Mum," she muttered with a shake of her head. If she didn't get out of here she was going to break down in front of Mickey and spoil the lovely tearing into she'd just given him.

"Rose —"

"I need to go," Rose pled when her mother put a hand on her arm to stop her. She leaned into her mother's touch for a moment and then pulled away. "I won't stay away too long. Promise."

Her mother nodded, eyes brimming with tears that Rose couldn't even bring herself to care about, and Mickey just stood there — still looking horrified. Whether it was because of her in general or what she'd said to him, Rose didn't really know or care.

The last thing she heard as the door to the flat shut and she started walking away was the sound of her mum laying into Mickey for being so stupid. Even knowing that her mum was giving him the verbal lashing he so rightly deserved.

She stepped into the Tardis.

"Rose? What's wrong?"

Rose shook her head. "Don't worry 'bout it. I'll be all right."

"You sure about that?"

She nodded and forced herself to smile through the pain of rejection. "Let's get out of here, 'kay?"

END CHAPTER


	12. New Admissions, New Fears

Chapter Eleven:

The Doctor watched Rose out of the corner of his eye as he set the Tardis for yet another destination. It had been non-stop for days now – she was definitely getting the most out of her new body's energy levels. For days she'd wanted nothing more than to just keep moving –to go to new places, see new things.

Problem was, she didn't seem to be enjoying any of them.

It had all started at her Mum's, that's when the spark had left her. She'd come in, obviously upset, face wet and eyes red, refusing to tell him what had set her off. Oh, he'd tried to coax it out of her as soon as he had the Tardis set in motion, taking them away from her old neighborhood just in case whoever had upset her came looking for her again. Rose didn't want to talk about it, however. All she wanted was to be off, to have an adventure. Then another and another.

He knew why she was being like this. Had done it himself on occasion and had seen others do it, too. Stopping meant that she would have time to think; which, of course, meant that her thoughts would eventually stray to whatever had hurt her in the first place. It happened every time they stopped for even a few minutes, she'd become quiet and the sparkle would leave her eyes.

Like right now. Where once brightness had sparkled and leapt, there was nothing but a well of sadness that he didn't even begin to know how to pull her out of.

That didn't mean he wasn't going to try.

"Rose –"

"Wha'?" she responded automatically, not turning her head towards him. It was hard to say whether or not she was even paying attention to him.

"What's wrong?"

"Nothin'."

"Don't give me that," the Doctor said, frustration causing his tone to rise. He was worried about her – couldn't she see that? It was hard to believe they'd overcome her potential death and now something like depression was going to come between them. "You've been a wreck since you visited your mum. Now – Tell me what happened or I'll go back there and ask your mum for myself."

Rose flinched and turned away completely now, so that he could only see her back. He stepped forward and put and hand on her shoulder, squeezing; unsure of whether she wanted more comfort than that. Then he felt her begin to shake. Would Rose version one have tried so hard not to let him in? Would she have fought and kicked every step of the way to keep him from seeing what had upset her?

He thought the answer was probably 'yes'. She'd never been much of a blubbering girl. A little emotional at times, but not like so many others her age, who wrapped themselves in dramatic airs like it was the latest fashion.

No, Rose version one would have done just what this Rose was doing.

"Was after you went back to the Tardis to tinker around," she finally murmured so softly that at first he thought he'd imagined her speaking in the first place. Then she cleared her throat and continued.

"Mum called Mickey and…well, he came by, of course."

Already he had a sinking feeling about where this was going, just from those words. He could remember all too well what Mickey had been like when they first met, but he'd thought the other man had moved past that somewhat. That was the human race, for you, though. Always going right back to their bigotry and prejudice. Their hatred of anything different. The Doctor pinched the bridge of his nose and tried to stay calm while he waited for Rose to continue, almost positive that he'd want to do serious harm to the human for whatever she was about to tell him.

"He…" Rose paused and sighed, her shoulder drooping under his hand. "He said some things – made it seem like it've been better off if I had just died. That not bein' human any more made me… you know."

And he got it. Oh, did the Doctor get it. If it wasn't sex or skin color, it was something just as equally ludicrous. She was still i Rose /i . To treat her as if she'd be better off dead – that much he couldn't understand at all. Not in the least. Oh, it wasn't surprising, but that didn't mean that he understood the twisted pitfalls of the human mind, either.

"I know," the Doctor whispered, nodding his head mostly to himself, already planning. He and Mickey were going to have a nice long talk next time he could get away from Rose long enough to do so.

A very, very long talk.

One during which he planned to use his hundreds of years of experience and will to restrain himself from injuring Mickey.

"It just hurt," she sniffled. "After mum accepting me, I guess… maybe I was too optimistic."

"No," the Doctor said, voice firm. With firm hands on her shoulders, he turned her until she was facing him. He hooked a finger under her chin and tilted her face up, forcing her to look at him through her tears. "He was wrong to say those things."

"'S just what he feels," she said with a shrug.

"Well it's the wrong way to feel, then," he instructed with a half-smile. "You're still you. Still that person that you were before this."

"'Cept, I'm really not," she said. "I don't look the same, don't feel the same, don't like the same things –"

"But you're still Rose in every way that matters," the Doctor said. "He's the one with the problem if he can't see past something like species to what's still in here." He placed a gentle hand on her chest.

"What's in there," Rose said dryly, "is one more heart than should be. One more'n I was born with."

She had a point there – a somewhat sarcastic point given that she knew what he'd been trying to say – but a point nonetheless.

"Mickey's an idiot."

"Yeah, but he was my friend The Idiot. Now – he's not."

Even at that moment, wanting nothing more than to make sure that Mickey never talked to her again so that he couldn't open his mouth and say something moronic, the Doctor knew that he could honestly reassure Rose of one thing, "He'll get over it and you'll be friends again."

"You think?"

The Doctor nodded. "If you let him, that is. Personally, I think you should let him stew a bit when he gets around to apologizing."

A half-smile curled at her lips. "Make 'im beg for it?"

Somewhere in the last ten seconds, Rose had apparently decided that this conversation needed to take an altogether different bent. Her voice had dropped to those low, smoky tones that he'd come to associate with her being in a flirty mood. This incarnation of hers enjoyed flirting. It was almost an art form for her.

Right now, he was getting the feeling that when she referred to 'begging', she might not be talking about Mickey the Idiot.

"Don't know about all that," the Doctor murmured. There was a little urge at the back of his head, telling him to run away from this creature before him – she was a siren that could lead him astray.

Well, it wasn't like he'd never been led astray before, he told himself.

"He might enjoy it if you make him beg," he continued.

Rose laughed. It was rich and pure and the happiest thing he'd heard from her since she'd returned from her mum's. The sound of it was enough to make him smile in return.

Or maybe that was the way she was plastering herself to him, her lips dancing up against his, the merest whisper of touch.

Oh, this Rose, she was a tease, he thought to himself as she pulled back.

"So – where to next?" she asked, running her tongue along her lower lip, before sucking it into her mouth. The Doctor followed the movement, lost for words. He dragged his eyes back up to hers, noting that her pupils were dark.

This Rose apparently also could switch emotions faster than any female he had ever met.

He was tempted to say that the Tardis could just sit in the Vortex, take her to his bedroom, and show her all the things that he'd learned during his lifetime.

Instead, what he said – against the protests of his body and heart – was, "I was thinking we could try the sky elevators on Paura."

"The what?" Rose looked pale.

"Sky elevators," he repeated. "They go up a few kilometers in the sky. It's a full day event, you know."

"Elevators. Kilometers?" she repeated.

The Doctor gave her a curious look, tilting his head to the side. Yes, she was definitely pale. "They're large elevators. It'll be like a party – with food vendors and entertainment. You'll love it."

Rose swallowed and looked away, leaning against the console. She shut her eyes and shook her head.

"What?" the Doctor asked. He leaned against the console next to her, crossing his arms over his chest. "Finally tired out?"

Rose cracked an eye open to look at him, her expression alone denying that she was in any way exhausted. "No, s'not that."

"Then… what is it?"

She shrugged and gave him a weak smile. "Pretty sure I'm afraid of elevators. Or heights. Possibly both."

END CHAPTER


	13. Return Memories That Never Were

Radiant: Return, Memories Never Known

Rose had woken up on the wrong side of the bed today. Oh, not literally because the Doctor doubted that she'd been sleeping during those hours that she wasn't at his side. She did that more often than she used to – wandered away to be on her own, have some time to herself. It wasn't enough to make him lonely or inspire him to long for how she used to be – but it was enough for him to notice and make note of it. When Rose wanted time to think, she went off by herself. That was just one more facet of the new her. A deeper facet, perhaps.

Problem was that whatever had prompted this latest thinking spell, had also upset her. Not tears and sadness upset, either. This was glinting eyes, thinly pressed lips, and glares. The Doctor did his best to ignore it, and when that failed, he'd put the central column between the two of them so that he, at least, couldn't i see /i her trying to kill him with her eyes.

He fiddled with the Tardis' controls, trying to look like he was busy. Rose wanted to say something to him so badly that he could almost taste the words in the air, but the Doctor was pretty sure – no, make that completely sure – that he didn't want to know what it was. So he did the cowardly thing and attempted to appear too busy to talk.

There was only one fatal flaw in that plan, which he realized the moment Rose rounded the controls, grabbed hold of his wrist, and held on until he met her eyes.

She knew how the Tardis worked now. Knew that he was just flipping levers and pushing buttons for the sake of acting like he was too busy to talk.

So much for that plan.

And then she said the words that knocked him on his – rather handsome, he had to admit – arse almost literally. The words that he should have known were coming, yet he'd never really given much thought to.

Those little words that told him that she i knew /i he hadn't really played things straight with her after he regenerated.

"How 'bout we go see Jack next, Doctor?"

The information in her head was a lot like a television. That was the closest analogy that Rose could come to for it, anyhow. All she had to do was find the right station, and she could see what she wanted – like tuning in for her favorite program, except this was the i past /i , i present /i , and i future /i . It was everything that ever was, could, or would be.

It was a moment of melancholy that led her to think about Jack. And in thinking about Jack, she unwittingly had opened herself up to a world of hurt unlike anything she had imagined was possible. Her mind opened and expanded, following threads of golden light. Time and space. History and future. Was and will be. She knew them now like she knew the back of her hand, could see facts and dates as clear as day. It was instinct, pure and simple, the navigation of it all. She could know or not know, choose to see or be blind to the possibilities.

She knew what had happened on the Game Station in that instant when all she'd really been looking to do was examine her own memories of the time that she had been lucky enough to have with Captain Jack Harkness. The way that he'd been able to make her smile and laugh. The flirting and teasing. Just… him.

And in that same instant, she knew that Jack was alive and well, if not much more bitter and cold than the last time she had seen him.

It made her head hurt, her heart ache.

But more than that – it made her i mad /I .

For at least an hour she sat there, in an unused room that she half-thought the Tardis probably made just for her to stew in, thinking about what she knew about Jack and what it meant.

The Doctor hadn't been completely honest with her. He'd made it seem like… well, she'd always assumed, anyway… that Jack was dead. And he hadn't done a single thing to indicate otherwise. Because if Jack had been alive, they would have gone for him, right?

Right?

It made her head hurt, the cover up and duplicity. She put a hand to her temple and massaged gently, trying to come up with any reasonable explanation why the Doctor would have done something as awful as this i seemed /i .

She couldn't. No ideas came to her at all – not even horribly contrived ones. She'd been on her death bed, and even then he hadn't told her that Jack was still alive and kicking. He hadn't eased any of the pain that he i had to have /i known she was feeling. Hadn't said a single bloody word to make things i right /i or i better /i .

And she hated him just a little for that. Hated him because he could have made her hurt i less /i , could have given her back some of the happiness she had known before the Game Stations and his regeneration – but he had done none of that.

The fact that she still loved him despite all of that didn't sit well with her, either. That he could hurt her and betray her like this was unthinkable.

But he probably didn't see it as a betrayal. Knowing him and his i I know better than you /i attitude, he probably thought he'd done the right thing, keeping this from her. Yes, Jack had a role to play right after the Game Station; she could see that. He had done good work, helping down on Earth after everything was over and done with, picking up the pieces that were left after the failed Dalek invasion.

She could see all of that, but she couldn't see why the Doctor wouldn't have told her and talked to her about it.

When she felt the anger begin to ebb enough that she wasn't shaking – wasn't fighting the urge to find the Doctor and do something violent, most likely of a slapping nature – she slipped out of the room. Almost as though the Tardis knew she wasn't quite ready to be in the Doctor's presence yet, the hallways were longer, more convoluted. The two minute walk to the control room took ten times that, and she couldn't say that she wasn't happy for the additional time.

Even with that added delay, she was still fuming when she reached the control room. She crossed her arms over her chest and looked at the Doctor from the doorway, leaning against the doorframe. On some level she knew that this was different from how she would have acted in the past, before her regeneration. Rose version one would have stormed in there in a flurry of movement and noise, demanding answers. Not that she wasn't going to demand answers of the Doctor. She was.

Just not loudly or violently.

At least, that was what she kept telling herself as she pushed off of the doorframe and stalked over to the console. The Doctor looked up and gave her a smile. It faltered when she didn't smile back, and the way he turned his total and complete attention to the Tardis told her that he knew that she was upset with him. It wasn't like she was hiding it, though. She was being as open and honest with him as she could be without saying a word.

Those words were beating at the inside of her mouth, though. They wanted to be spoken, put out there in the open.

She just wasn't quite sure what form those words were going to take.

The Doctor's hands moved on the Tardis' controls. Switches, levers, buttons, and knobs. Things that had nothing to with anything right at this moment. Rose almost laughed.

The Doctor was trying to stall her.

Too bad for him, then, that she wasn't in the mood to be stalled. She had waited long enough to confront him about this. Longer than she would have i before /i .

Rounding the central column, she grabbed hold of his wrist with gentle pressure. She pulled his hand free of the lever it was on, only letting go when he met her eyes.

Rose licked her lips, and normally the way the Doctor's eyes followed her tongue would have amused that part of her that craved the attraction, the flirtation; right now it did nothing for her.

Nothing at all.

With a sarcastic smile that felt completely alien on her lips, she said, "How 'bout we go see Jack next, Doctor?"

END CHAPTER


	14. Truths Never Told

Truths Never Told

If he had taken even a moment out of time to think about it, the Doctor would have realized that eventually Rose would turn her thoughts to Jack. Thoughts that now commanded an impressive and vast expanse of knowledge. Had he stopped for just one moment to consider the possibility that she would try to figure out what had happened to the Captain, the Doctor would have sat her down and explained to her why everything had happened the way it had.

Well, he would have tried, anyway.

He hadn't, though. Hadn't even remotely considered the possibility that Rose still thought about Jack – she hadn't mentioned him in so very long – therefore not once did he ponder what would happen when she did turn her attention back to the rogue of a Captain that had traveled with them for a short time and managed to steal a little piece of each of their hearts.

Rose still had her fingers on his wrist. She held him in place more with her look than the soft grip that she had on him, her eyes searching his face quietly, patiently. The Doctor took a deep breath and let it out, unsure of what to say or even how to say it. This wasn't a topic that he'd prepared for.

"We can do that. We can go see him," he said with a nod of his head and a half-smile on his lips, trying, and i failing /i , to reach a lighthearted grin.

Rose's eyes narrowed, and the Doctor became aware of one thing very quickly – whatever the right way to handle this situation was, that hadn't been it. He couldn't just jump right in and give the green light to go see Jack. The painful anger that had radiated from Rose with every movement she made and word she said had changed to calm fury in the blink of an eye. She withdrew her hand from his wrist, and the Doctor immediately missed its warmth.

"Why didn't you tell me he was alive?" she asked, her voice quiet with the demand.

"I never said he i wasn't /i ," the Doctor said. "In fact, I recall telling you that he was busy when you asked me right after I regenerated."

Not that he'd trust anything he said during that time, if he had to be honest. Something had most definitely gone wrong with that entire process. His mind had been whirling away at a thousand miles a minute – maybe more – and he'd been well aware that he was spouting off nonsense at various moments as he stumbled through flipping switches, setting levers, and getting them on a course for Rose's mum's neighborhood before the inevitable happened and he collapsed.

"You were talking nonsense!" Rose protested. All right, then. It seemed she'd come to the same conclusion he had. Good for her.

He resisted the urge to grin and tell her just that. Somehow he doubted that Rose was open to bright smiles and laughter right about now. Everything about her said that she was in the mood to yell, scream, maybe even do a bit of slapping.

Oh, he hoped she didn't slap him. Slapping could hurt quite a bit if done properly, and the Doctor got the feeling that Rose was more than adept at it. His eyes flickered down to her hands impulsively, grazing over those long, slender fingers. She'd put some pink polish on her nails at some point. It was a very i Rose /I color. Her fingers moved, curling into her palm, the little pinked tips hidden from view.

He realized he'd been staring and looked away, back into her eyes. Eyes that were once more filled with hurt and questions.

"It was the truth," he told her, laying the facts bare. "I am truly sorry if you thought otherwise – however the fact of the matter is that I was telling you the truth. Jack didn't die on the Game Station."

"Then why haven't we gone back for 'im?" Her voice broke, the anger she'd carried so righteously rapidly dissipating under a sea of hurt. It was a tangible thing, the pain on her face. The Doctor ached to reach out, take her in his arms, and try to wipe it all away. Some things hadn't changed at all between the Rose she'd once been and the Rose she was now. She still i felt /I everything so intensely that it was staggering sometimes. When she was happy, she was very happy. And when she was sad…

Well, he didn't like it when she was sad, and that was really all that needed to be said about that subject.

"You know how it works," he told her gently even as he invaded her personal space, standing no more than a scant inch away. With her new height, she only had to tilt her head up a bit now to look into his eyes, instead of the full-on craning of the neck she'd had to do before. "Once someone is locked into a time stream, they have to see it through. And that's what had happened by the time I regenerated, Rose. Jack was locked in, helping rebuild the Earth."

"And after? Why didn't we go for him i after /i , when he wasn't locked into that time anymore? Hmm?"

That right there was the question that he didn't have a good answer for. No answer that would make Rose happy. He could cite that they'd been busy since that time. One thing had led to another, to another, until it was just simpler to let Jack stay wherever he was doing whatever it was that he was doing.

None of that sounded very good in his head, though. Assuming that Rose had accepted Jack's departure from their lives because she didn't mention their missing friend had obviously been a mistake on his part. Oh, it all made sense to him now, realizing that she had thought that Jack was dead. She had mourned him in her own way, and then she had moved on with her life. Not bringing him up was merely her way of not dredging up painful memories. It had in no way meant that she didn't miss Jack or want him back on the Tardis with them.

All in all, it appeared that he had royally screwed up by making that assumption. He supposed that old Earth saying was true about making an ass of one's self.

"Well?" Rose prompted, and the Doctor realized that he'd just been standing there, lost in his own thoughts, while she waited for an answer to a question that he didn't have the slightest clue how to respond to. His mouth opened, then shut.

Finally, he shrugged. "There's no good answer, Rose. Is that what you wanted to hear? I made a mistake. I thought you knew that he was alive and that you had accepted not having him around. It never occurred to me that you might not be all right with it, that you might have thought he was…"

"Dead," Rose cut him off, voice sharp but lacking the bite her earlier anger had given her. She put a hand up between them, on his chest, and for one brief moment the Doctor thought that she was going to push him away. That maybe he'd gone and ruined this fledgling relationship they had going before it had even had a good chance to get started. But she didn't push him away. Her fingers curled between the open jacket of his suit, against the cotton of his shirt. He heard her breath hitch, saw her eyes water. "I thought he was dead."

The Doctor nodded. Without a word he wrapped his arms around her, holding her as near-silent sobs shuddered through her body. Whether it was relief that Jack wasn't dead, remembered pain over the mourning she'd done, or a result of the betrayal she felt he had personally committed against her, the Doctor didn't know. Most likely it was a mixture of all three. Three things that he had caused with his own shortsightedness in this situation.

"We'll go to him right this very moment if you like," the Doctor murmured into her hair, pressing a kiss to the silken strands, then another onto her forehead when she pulled back to look at him with tear-glazed eyes.

She pulled her lower lip into her mouth, biting on it in a way that was so very much like she used to that the Doctor would think he could scarcely be blamed for his next action.

Because snogging Rose was certainly not the answer to this situation, even if it did feel i right /i .

It wasn't their first kiss, this gentle press of mouth to mouth. It wasn't the most explosive kiss that they'd ever had or ever would have, that much the Doctor was sure of. He felt as if he were pouring his soul into her as their lips moved softly against one another. She sighed and shuddered against him, her lips parting under. He took the opportunity to slide his tongue out, over that lower lip she'd only just been biting on, then into her mouth. With every flick of his tongue he silently apologized. With every teasing brush of his lips, he said that he'd never make that kind of mistake again. Each taste of her mouth was his way of saying that he would make this right if only she gave him a chance to.

When Rose pulled away her face was flushed. Her lips were swollen and pink from the kisses, even though they'd been far from rough. Would it have been different to kiss her before her regeneration? That sweet taste of her mouth – would that have had an altogether different flavor when she was still Rose version one? He licked his lips unconsciously, still tasting her there. She put sugar in her tea. Lots of it. That had to be it.

They were still standing close enough that her chest brushed him with every rise and fall of breath that she took.

This was what it felt like to be truly happy and content.

Well, aside from the fact that they were about to go track down a companion he never should have let go of in the first place. And how exactly was that going to work out, then? With both him and Rose now changed, it would be just like the Captain to be distrustful on top of whatever else he felt towards them. He supposed, then, that it would have to be Rose that made that first contact with him. She still looked mostly like herself.

Still beautiful.

"What're you thinking about?" she asked, causing the Doctor to laugh.

"You."

"Oh, really?" Rose arched an eyebrow, her lips teasing. "Anything you feel like sharin'?"

"No, not at all. Was never really one for sharing, you know." It was the matter of seconds for him to figure out where in time Jack was right at that moment, and when he did, the Doctor found himself floored. Still, he turned enough to set the controls to the right position, enter their coordinates. With one last flip of a switch, the Tardis' engine was whirring and they were in motion.

"Five minutes and we're there," he told her. "If that's still what you want."

"It is," she nodded. It's just… he might not want to see us. Might think that we left him behind on purpose." No sooner were the words out of her mouth than Rose was scowling. It was fleeting, brief, but the Doctor recognized it for what it was – even if Jack didn't harbor any ill feelings towards them for leaving, Rose was going to be trying to work through forgiving herself for not pushing the issue for quite a while.

"Oh, you know the Captain'll be thrilled to see you again," the Doctor said without a doubt in the world that it was the truth. It was i him /i that Jack might not want to see. "You'll see. Probably be back to flirting with you in less time than you'd think."

Her eyebrows went up, and in the sparkling blue depths of her eyes, the Doctor could see a question. Did he mind if Jack flirted with her? No, of course not. That was just the way that Jack was. It was when he wasn't flirting that the Doctor worried.

Then Rose's lips curled up in a smile that was pure sin and temptation.

"Wonder how long it'll take him to flirt w' you," she said, and her voice was a slow drawl that went straight to parts of his body that the Doctor was pretty sure didn't need to be awake right now. He swallowed hard and tried very hard to look unaffected.

Little good i that /i did with them pressed up against one another like that. From the decidedly wicked look in Rose's eyes, he could tell that she was very much aware of what she was doing. She laughed softly.

"Like that? The thought of him flirting with you?"

He opened his mouth to say that it was more the way she was speaking right then that had him worked up but realized before he could even begin to vocalize the response that it wasn't entirely true. Jack had intrigued his previous self on levels that they'd never had a chance to explore. Most likely would i never /i have explored, given that his previous self was more hands-off than hands-on.

"Wouldn't you like to know," he said finally, trying to sound teasing but coming out a little breathless when Rose pushed her body against him, her hip pressing right i there /i .

The fire in her eyes said that she didn't mind if he liked the idea of Jack wanting him like i that /i . Not in the least.

Thankfully, he was saved from any further conversation on that subject by the Tardis coming to a stop. He winked at her as he moved away to look at the view screen. They were in some sort of building.

And there was Jack, looking at the Tardis like he'd seen a ghost.

END CHAPTER


	15. A Little Captain in Your Life

A Little Captain in Your Life

On the other side of the door Jack was waiting, and Rose was terrified to step through. The smoothness of the door was cool under her hand, her fingers wrapped around the handle, poised to push it open and step outside. Since she was still recognizable as someone Jack knew, she'd be going out there alone to set the stage for his reintroduction to the Doctor.

She was nervous. Maybe even a little terrified. All of the confidence she had felt since assuming this new i her /I was nothing compared to the anxiety that she felt about seeing Jack for the first time since he'd kissed her goodbye, back before everything changed. The Doctor. i Her /i . There was no way that she could even begin to guess what Jack felt about being left behind. If she were him, she'd be angry and hurt. While she understood the Doctor's reasons, even more so now that had Time and Space and all that it meant running through her head. Sometimes you couldn't interfere with the timeline, even if you wanted to. She knew that before she'd regenerated with all of this information in her head.

The problem was whether or not Jack would understand. It wouldn't matter to her if she didn't care so very much about him. Love didn't go away over time if it was the real thing. This whole situation with Jack had proven that. She'd thought he was dead, gone from her life forever. She'd i mourned /i him, but had never stopped caring about him. Then she had found out that he was still alive, and after all of her hurt and confusion had faded, all of those old feelings she'd had for him had come to the surface.

Feelings didn't change. The Doctor had told her that after he regenerated. She'd experienced a taste of it after i she /I did the same thing. This, though? This was like the final proof. She might eat her chips different now, might not like heights, and she might feel the need to flirt more often, but she was still Rose Tyler. And Rose Tyler loved Jack Harkness. Maybe not as much as she loved the Doctor, but it had the possibility to get there.

Standing in front of the doors right at that moment, Rose felt like she was about to confront someone from a bad breakup rather than one of the closest friends she'd ever had.

This was even harder than it had been when she had to face her mother and Mickey.

Behind her, the Doctor was still standing at the console. She could feel him watching, offering up silent reassurance.

Except… wait. i Silent reassurance /i ? It was more than just a turn of phrase, Rose realized. She could actually feel reassurance in the back of her mind, hovering like a warm blanket waiting to sweep over her if she needed it. Telepathic, he'd told her once. She'd just never experienced it first hand. Without even thinking about it, Rose probed at the source of the feeling with a mental 'finger', gently prodding at it. He'd told her that he thought the telepathy, that bond that all of his people shared on some level, was instinctive, going on to further speculate that maybe it hadn't happened like that with her because she was still caught up in the limitations of her human mind. A mental block of sorts. He could feel her in his head, but she'd never been able to feel him.

Until right now. As she tested that feeling with a curious thought directed towards it, Rose felt something give way. That block that she hadn't even consciously realized was there just…crumbled. And then she could feel it. The Doctor, warm and solid in the back of her mind. Not overpowering at all. He was a presence, a sensation. A warm, blinking glow in the darkness of that deepest part of her mind. All that she hadn't been able to understand before was suddenly very clear. How he must have felt when he lost his people, when he lost i this /i . It was so companionable, having his presence as a part of her.

How had he managed to live without it after knowing it his entire life, when she was already wondering how sad it would be if she never felt this again?

She wasn't sure how he was projecting his reassurance at her, so she couldn't offer up anything back to him, but still Rose wanted to let him know just the same that she was i aware /i of his presence.

"You were right," she said, glancing over her shoulder at him. His eyebrows went up, and she grinned internally. Sometimes it was nice to drag out what she was going to say just so that she could see him slowly lose control trying to figure out what she meant. But best to put him out of his misery. There was something more important than this that she needed to get to. "The mental block. It was there. Now it's not."

And then, because she could see the questions in his eyes almost immediately, and knew that he'd delay her for hours asking her how she felt, what she felt, and so on, Rose put her hand again on the door and pushed it open.

Her first glimpse of Jack in person took Rose's breath away. There was looking good, and then there was looking great. Jack had always managed to look i great /i , and this was no exception. There was a leaner look to his face now than back when they'd first met. His hair was the same, though. His eyes still sparkled just like she'd remembered them. And his smile? Still about one of the most beautiful smiles she'd ever seen in her entire life.

Wait.

His smile?

Jack moved while she was still trying to make sense of the fact that he was grinning at her, and suddenly she was swept into his strong arms. If he'd noticed anything different about her appearance, it wasn't throwing him off. With a sigh of relief, Rose tightened her arms around Jack, returning his embrace. He was whispering her name into her ear, swinging her around in a great big hug that felt so warm and safe.

"Rose, god. You're really here," he was saying as he pulled back. His hands were on her shoulders, though. Big, warm hands. So familiar when they squeezed. He didn't let her go, just held on with the air of a man that wasn't sure that he wasn't in the middle of a hallucination.

"Yeah, 'm here," she agreed.

"How? No, wait – not important," he backtracked, the grin on his face so genuine that it made her heart ache with relief. Then he was hugging her again, and she was laughing.

"I missed you, too," she told him, and it was the complete and honest truth. "Oh, Jack. God, I missed you so much."

He still wasn't commenting on the more obvious changes to her looks, and Rose attributed it to what had to be some level of shock at seeing her again. Eventually he was going to realize that the woman he was holding was leaner and taller than the curvy girl he'd said goodbye to so long ago. Not to mention her eyes were a completely different color and, if she ever strung together enough words to make it apparent, her voice was different.

She should have known it wouldn't take him very long to notice, too, though Rose suspected that he'd probably been aware of it the entire time and was just waiting until the right moment to say something. After the first rush of reunion had passed them. Still, when he pulled back and held her at arms length again, giving her a long, slow look-over, Rose knew that he was going to ask.

"You've changed," he said.

"Good change? Bad change?" she couldn't resist teasing, remembering when the Doctor had once looked at her and asked something similar. i Good different? Bad different? /i 

i Just different, /i she'd said then, already unable to compare the two Doctors even though, at the time, she'd only just really 'met' the second one. One wasn't better than the other, they'd always been equally loved in her heart.

"I like it," Jack nodded slowly. He was curious, but he wasn't asking questions yet. A suggestive smile toyed at his lips. "But you were beautiful before and you know it."

Rose laughed. All that time spent wondering and thinking about how bad this could go, how angry and hurt Jack would be, and it wasn't turning out anything like she'd expected it would go. Still – no looking a gift horse in the mouth, right? If he was prepared to be accepting of the history between them, then she wasn't going to question it. Not right now, anyway. The logical part of her knew that he had to have something to say on the matter, but that part of her could just wait until a later time. Right now she was with Jack and he had questions of his own now.

"How?" he asked. "I mean, you're not even the same height. Your voice is different… eyes…hair…body shape…" He trailed off, looking at her with confused wonder. "Still gorgeous, though. Don't get me wrong."

That was an explanation that would have to wait, however. The Doctor was still in the TARDIS and, if she knew him, he was getting antsy. Either she braced Jack for what had happened with him or she risked the Doctor getting impatient and coming out here before she said anything.

Since she'd personally firsthand experienced what it was like to get no warning that the man you once knew had changed, Rose gave Jack an apologetic smile and said, "I'll tell you 'bout that later, all right? Something more important right now. It's about the Doctor."

Jack's eyes immediately flew to the TARDIS, standing quiet only a few feet away. When he looked back at her, he was very clearly worried.

"Did something happen to him? Is he okay?" Jack took a step towards the TARDIS, only Rose's hand on his arm stopping him before he got too far.

"He's fine." She paused, collecting her thoughts. "Now, I mean. Now he's fine. Before he wasn't."

"What do you mean he wasn't okay i before /i ? What happened to him?" Jack looked again at the TARDIS. Rose could feel the muscles under her hand tense, knew that he wanted to go take a look in the TARDIS, see for himself that the Doctor was, in fact, still alive and well. If he did that, there was the definite chance that he would be just as freaked out by it as she had been. She didn't want that for Jack. If anything, he was going to go in there with his eyes wide open, understanding that the Doctor he had known was gone.

Jack turned his gaze back on her again. "Rose – is he okay? Did he regenerate again?"

Hold on.

What?

"Regenerate i again /i ?" The words came out choked, confused. How did Jack know about regeneration, much less that the Doctor had done it once since he last saw him? At least, that's what she was assuming the 'again' part of what he'd asked meant. "No. Not again. Just the once since…" Rose stopped, shook her head. This made no sense to her. "How did you know?"

"Rose, sweetheart," Jack began with a shake of his head and an ironic tilt of his lips. "Harriet Jones made a complete report to Torchwood after that little Christmas incident a few months back. I already knew about Time Lords and regeneration – it was one of the more popular parts of their mythology. I knew what had happened the second I read what she'd written."

Rose's brain was whirling away. Jack knew about regeneration. Jack knew that the Doctor had regenerated. That should have been a good thing, and maybe it was. That wasn't the part of everything that was bothering her, though.

"Torchwood?" she asked quietly. The Doctor had done his research after the incident with the Sycorax and had found out all about the super secret Torchwood. Had even gotten into their files, found out that he was mentioned in their mission statement, of all places. All of that had gotten pushed aside while she'd been sick, but lately she'd caught the Doctor going through what he knew, searching out more information on the mysterious organization.

She just hadn't thought that she'd hear that name come from Jack's lips, of all places.

"Yeah," Jack nodded, giving her a little grin. "That's who I work for."

Rose nodded, feeling a little overwhelmed. "Doctor'll definitely want to talk to you about that. They –"

"Don't really like the Doctor," Jack said with a nod. "Yeah, I know." He must have seen something on her face, because he quickly added, "I don't agree with that part of the creed, don't worry. The Doc might be an alien, but he's no threat. He never did anything to hurt me."

The last part was said with less conviction than anything he'd uttered thus far. i There /i was the pain that she knew had to be lurking somewhere beneath Jack's happy exterior.

"'Course not," she assured him. "Only ever did what was best for the both of us, he did. Wasn't always very nice or tactful about it. But that was just our Doctor." Now wasn't the time to point out that the new Doctor was different when it came to bits like that. Jack would find out soon enough.

She grabbed hold of his hand, squeezing it firmly.

"Yeah," Jack laughed after a moment "He certainly had some blunt moments. And, boy, could he go on about how superior he was."

"'e still does that sometimes," Rose rolled her eyes. "You going t'come in and see him?"

There was no pause, no hesitation. Just an emphatic nod of Jack's head and a blinding grin. "Of course." He looked around the room they were in and Rose followed his gaze. They were in a very tall room. Desks were nearby, a computer was on and there was something flashing on the screen. "He'll need to move the TARDIS, too. No one's around right now, but the rest of the staff should be coming in soon. I'm not ready to answer those kinds of questions from the others."

Rose nodded even though she didn't understand what he meant. She cleared her throat, looked pointedly around the room again, and asked. "Jack, where exactly i are /i we?"

He smirked, rocking back on his heels. "Welcome to Torchwood Three, Rose Tyler."

END CHAPTER


	16. Hello, Again

Chapter Fifteen

Waiting patiently was not his forte this time around. Come to think of it, he couldn't say for a fact that it had i ever /i been something he was remarkably good at. The Doctor watched the view screen, glanced at the doors of the TARDIS, rocked back and forth on his feet, and generally just felt the overwhelming urge to run out there and tell the two of them to hurry up and get to coming inside already. Wasn't as if he hadn't been looking forward to this reunion. Oh, sure, he was partly the reason why it had taken so long in the first place. That whole business with not discussing Jack with Rose – well, needless to say he wasn't going to do something like that again. Not if he still wanted her on speaking terms with him.

Which he did.

The Doctor grinned, the goofy smile spreading his lips wide. He wanted her on more than just i speaking /i terms with him. Seemed like he was doing a pretty good job of things, too. Snogging her up against the TARDIS's console could rapidly become one of his favorite activities. Right up there with mucking about through time and running for his life, even. In fact, there was the very real possibility, however slight, that he might even enjoy it i more /I than running for his life. Definitely a theory that he'd have to look into later, complete with further experimentation.

If Rose ever came back into the TARDIS, that was. The Doctor glanced back down at the view screen. Well, at least Jack didn't seem upset with her. That was a good sign, right? Meant that maybe the good Captain wasn't going to be all finger-pointing and accusing when he finally got in here.

Again - i if /i they ever came in here.

The Doctor frowned down at the screen, watching Rose laugh at something Jack said then look around the room they'd landed in with interest. If Rose had been in there with him, she probably would have accused him of pouting. Not that he pouted.

All right, so sometimes he i did /i . But only in the most dignified of ways.

"I'm going to count to ten," he warned no one in particular as he crossed his arms over his chest and lifted his head to the look at the TARDIS's doors. "And then I'm going out there. Can't expect me to just wait in here all day, can they?"

When he reached ten and the door remained firmly shut, he was forced to admit that, yes, perhaps his current companion and former companion very well i did /i expect him to wait in the TARDIS. Couldn't have that. If there was one thing he was known for, it was being unpredictable. Which meant he could march right out there and –

The door to the TARDIS opened, and the Doctor's breath caught, his thoughts coming to a complete and utter stop as he watched Jack and Rose enter. Rose looked over at him immediately, giving him a reassuring smile. She had Jack's hand in hers and didn't let go until Jack looked over and saw him. The other man froze as Rose's hand fell away.

Then he was moving, smiling, wrapping the Doctor in a hug that was almost painfully tight. For the briefest of moments, the Doctor froze, arms still at his sides. It was more than he'd hoped for, this warm welcome. Just for a moment, though. He put his arms around Jack and held on tight.

"I'm sorry," he told him quietly.

"It's okay," Jack said, pulling back. He had a smile on his lips that reached all the way up to his eyes, so the Doctor didn't even question his sincerity. "I might have been angry for a while, but I got over it. Time really does heal all wounds."

That wasn't true. There were some wounds that time just made larger, more gaping and raw. They festered until they became poison.

The Doctor was happy to see that this wasn't one of i those /i .

"I –"

"One sec, Doc," Jack held up a hand. "Before we take any trips down memory lane or talk about what we've all been doing since, well, that day – can you possibly get your TARDIS out of my hub?"

The Doctor blinked, surprised by the request. Easy as anything to move the TARDIS to somewhere else, if that was what Jack wanted. He just hadn't expected Jack to ask. "Your… hub?"

Jack's grin grew. He stepped back, putting a little distance between himself and the Doctor. "You've landed right in the middle of the Cardiff Torchwood, Doctor. I don't think I need to tell you that it would be best if no one but me knows you were here."

Torchwood? That was the organization responsible for destroying the Sycorax ship. If anything, he wanted to know i more /i about them, not run off the second that he managed to land in one of their bases.

"Wait – i your /i hub? You run Torchwood?" The dots had connected in the Doctor's head, and he didn't like the picture they were forming. He hadn't been able to do much research about Torchwood since the Christmas Day invasion, what with Rose's health and then subsequent regeneration, but the little he'd dredged up didn't paint the kind of picture he was altogether pleased with. Especially considering what he knew about their involvement in the Sycorax's destruction.

Jack laughed. "Well, not the whole thing. Just the Cardiff branch. And I'd love to introduce you to my team – but not right now. Please?"

The Doctor squashed the urge to march out of the doors and investigate just what a Torchwood base of operations looked like and turned his attention to the controls, taking note for the first time of where i exactly /i the TARDIS had landed.

"The Rift?" the Doctor asked, sliding on his glasses. He looked over the tops at Jack. "Your base is located on the Rift?"

"Damn – those look good on you, Doc," Jack drawled.

"Focus, Captain," the Doctor said, but he couldn't stop the little twitch of a smile that passed over his lips. He flipped two switches and pulled the lever nearest him down, setting the TARDIS to materialize outside of the facility, about a block away from where they currently were. Jack grabbed onto the edge of the console instinctively as the ship began to move, shaking only a bit as she lurched from one place to another. A nice lateral shift through space, taking them away from the so-called 'hub' that Jack claimed for his own.

"Can't help it if you look good in this body," Jack continued when they came to a stop.

"Have to agree with him on that, Doctor," Rose's voice was a low purr as she joined them at the console, fingers tracing over the metal. The Doctor didn't miss the way that Jack looked at her, eyeing her up and down just as blatantly as he'd just been doing to him. The Doctor spared her a smile and a wink before turning back to Jack, the smile faltering just a bit.

He tried to keep his tone light when he asked, "Now, Captain. Care to tell me how you ended up with that murderous organization?"

"Doctor –"

"No, Jack," the Doctor shook his head. "Please respect me enough not to try to convince me that Torchwood acted on the best interests of this planet when they destroyed the Sycorax ship. They were leaving. You lot blew them up. What I want to know is how i you /i got involved here."

"And if I had something to do with what happened on Christmas Day, right?" Jack shot back, warming to the topic. But not in the way that the Doctor would have expected. No, Jack just looked more amused than anything.

He felt Rose's hand slide into his, her warm fingers sliding over his palm to thread through his. She squeezed gently.

"I didn't, just so you know," Jack said with a sigh. "I took over running Torchwood Three about two months after that. As for how I got here, I'll assume you mean Torchwood and not the twenty-first century. Though I guess one led to the other. I came to this century hoping to run into the two of you. Unfortunately, Torchwood fixed onto the timeship that dropped me off. They had me in chains for a month before they started trusting me enough to listen to what I could tell them. After that it was easy. I knew things that they wanted to know. Could identify alien tech. One month after that, they offered me the post here in Cardiff. No one else knew what to do with the Rift. They thought I might have better luck than the last two saps that held the position."

Jack broke off, shrugging. "And that's really it. Sorry to say, Doctor, but I got here two days after the Sycorax had been destroyed."

Sorry? The Doctor frowned. "Why are you sorry about i that /i ?"

Snorting, Jack rolled his eyes. "Because you looked like you were looking for someone to blame for it all, and I can't be that guy for you."

"I wasn't –" the Doctor started to say and then shut his mouth with a snap that he felt all the way into his jaw. That's exactly what he'd been angling for. Finding out if Jack was responsible, ready to condemn him for it if so. He'd only just gotten him back in his life, and already he was screwing it all up. The Doctor sighed. "Sorry 'bout that. I'm less than pleased with Torchwood."

"With reason," Rose offered. "What they did wasn't right, Jack."

"I know," Jack agreed, holding up his hands. "Hey, you don't have to tell me that you don't fire on an enemy that's retreating. That's one hell of a way to get your name thrown about in the universe – and not in a good way. That was all Torchwood One. The head honchos, if you will. And at the Prime Minister's order, if you recall."

Rose snorted with something less than pleasure, and the Doctor agreed. "Your people had nothing to do with that?"

"No. It's only myself, Owen, Suzie, and Tosh right now. None of them worked for Torchwood prior to taking their position in Cardiff, and Cardiff had nothing to do with firing that weapon. Or even priming it." Jack smirked. "What did you expect, Doc? We're just Cardiff, after all."

"Just Cardiff," the Doctor repeated, eyebrows going up. " i Just /i Cardiff. Your bloody office sits on top of a Rift in Space and Time and you say 'just Cardiff' like Rose would say 'just chips' or 'just raining'. The whole world might as well revolve around Cardiff for all that you lot could destroy it by mucking about with the Rift without knowing what you're doing."

Rose's hand slid away from his, her arm snaking around his waist as she leaned her head on his shoulder. The Doctor spared her a warm smile, still amazed by the little things that he noticed about her since the chance. She liked to touch even more now than she had before. Which was saying something, considering Rose Tyler had very much enjoyed casual touching before all of this. He liked the fact that she was taller now though he'd never admit as much to her. It wasn't that she'd been unattractively short before or anything; the added height now just made certain things so much easier.

Like dropping a kiss on her forehead. Without thinking about it. Right in front of Jack.

The Captain was smirking when the Doctor looked back his way. "Glad to see you two finally got around to making the most of the time you have with each other."

The edge of bitterness in Jack's tone didn't escape the Doctor's notice. He was happy for them, but reminded of how things had been before. It was only natural. It would be so easy to call him over, include him in the embrace. Perhaps even see if kissing Jack with these lips felt any different than it had to kiss him – however briefly – with his previous self's lips. There was only one problem with that.

Well, two problems.

The first was that he wasn't sure if Rose was all right with that. The last thing he wanted to do was drive a wedge into their relationship so early on.

The second, and this one the Doctor could admit was pure selfishness on his part, was that he'd only just barely begun to get to know this Rose. He wanted to be the first person that she did things with. The first person to get to touch her, to taste her. Sure, right now all it would be was an embrace and kiss, but later? How easy it was to slip down that slope once the momentum was already in play.

"Anything else interesting happen since we last saw you?" the Doctor asked by way of avoiding the topic entirely. Yes, he and Rose were together. Yes, he wanted Jack. But not yet. Maybe not for a long while. There was too much that he and Rose still needed to figure out for themselves.

"Anything else?" Jack's smile faltered and faded away, until it was gone completely. "Yeah, you could say that. Can you think of any reason why I wouldn't be able to die, Doctor?"

END CHAPTER

A/N: The rating after this is going to exceed the allowance over here at so all future parts will be found at whofic (dot) com … just check out my author profile (Jinni) for all future updates. Sorry about that.


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